


Car Wash

by smoll_jane



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-01-31 20:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18598531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoll_jane/pseuds/smoll_jane
Summary: Sometimes, it takes a breakup and some tears to start something new, even better.In which Wonwoo and Mingyu both struggle with their own breakup, and each other's presence could be the key to get out of the dark and heal their broken hearts.In which Junhui and Minghao maybe found who makes them be a better person.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yup! That's me again!
> 
> First, if you clicked on this fic for SoonWoo, I'm sorry but you'll be disappointed… but! don't leave, I'm sure you can get satisfied with the story anyway. I still don't have any idea how it'll end and when (as if I haven't exams to pass in a month huhu), but I'll try my best with it.  
> Concerning the ships, I'll update the list as they appear in the chapters (except for Meanie since… it's a bit the MAIN ship so… it's inevitably already in the list).
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy!

"I think we should break up." yells Soonyoung to overcome the music filling in their heads. Wonwoo continues on dancing for a second, proceeding on what he just heard, and then stops, letting go of his boyfriend's waist. Tilting the head, stopping to dance, not caring about the people pushing him around, he frowns. "What?" he says. He must've misunderstood. Of course, the music is too loud, there's too much people, he's tired. But when Soonyoung pulls on his sleeve to make him follow him outside, Wonwoo feels a scary sensation in his stomach.

Once out of the nightclub, when the streetlights shine on his sweaty skin, Soonyoung's eyes are sad. "I think we should break up Wonwoo." That should be a joke. The young man shakes his head and makes his way home, forcing his boyfriend to run to follow him. "No, no, no. You're drunk Soon. You don't mean what you say." He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to have this conversation. He doesn't want it to happen.

When he opens the door, a head turns to them, from the sofa, and Junhui waves at them, quickly focusing on the TV again.

-Jun, go to your room please.

-It's my living room too y'know.

-Please. Take the kids with you.

Frowning with disbelief, the tall man stands up, struggles to carry the three cats that were sleeping next to him on the couch and disappears, letting nothing but a heavy silence between Wonwoo and Soonyoung.

-So what? Why?

Soonyoung looks stressed when he straightens up the head. He didn't think Wonwoo would be so angry about it. There's hardness in his eyes, he keeps his jaw tight. Sitting on the sofa backrest, he crosses his arms, waits for him to talk. It's hard. How many times did he think about these words? He thought it'd be easier to make his little speech.

-Go ahead, talk.

-I... I tried Wonwoo. We're not children anymore.

-What does that mean?

-It's not like it used to... we... we look like nothing but a couple!

He's hurt. Wonwoo stands up, looks down on Soonyoung, who's gradually losing confidence.

-What do we look like for you? What am I for you?

-We can't stay like that forever. We're... friends but with extras. That's it. It's time to move on Wonwoo, we're adults now.

-Is there someone else? Is that why you don't want me anymore? Have I done something wrong?

Every glimpse of pity is now gone. He's going on his nerves, playing the fool. He perfectly knows what he means, but he prefers to make him look like the villain. Soonyoung explodes.

-Do I need to have someone else to want to break up? No Won, I just want to separate from you, make my own way. We've been stuck together for more than a decade, it's time to move on. I want to discover other things. I'm leaving university. The library offered me a full-time job. I want change in my life. I'm bored. I'm sorry Wonwoo. Sincerely. I hope we'll be able to stay friends.

He doesn't let him talk, he doesn't let him say anything to hold him back. He just leaves. He leaves Wonwoo alone behind him, he leaves him and his blank mind.

When Junhui gets out of his bedroom, later, the living room is empty, Wonwoo's door closed.

~

-Why is it so hard to understand?! Leave me the fuck alone!

With an exasperated growl, Minghao turns his back on him and gets away in the corridors. Well. He's tired of fighting. Mingyu closes his locker door and holds back a scream when Seungkwan appears behind it, arms crossed, a judging look on his face. "I've predicted it." If he could, he'd slap him. But Boo Seungkwan's face is too pretty to be hit. So Mingyu gets content with clenching his fists, ignoring his friend and making his way in the hallways. His backpack is as heavy as his heart right now. He's lost. Seungkwan quickly reappears next to him, jogging to keep the pace.

-Wait, don't tell me you think it'd work? With your two personalities? It'd inevitably explode one day Gyu, don't make such a face. Hey stop ignoring me! I'm talking to you!

-And I'm not listening.

A door is slammed between them as Mingyu enters his classroom, leaving Seungkwan aghast, alone.

-He better not come crying in my skirts later.

~

"I told you to- oh... hello Cat." He missed the feel of the soft furr under his palms as the pet quietly enters the bedroom and jumps on his knees. The grey cat quickly purs at the stroking, and his human equivalent's head appears from behind the door.

-He wanted to see you. You've been locked in there for almost three days.

Not asking for permission, Junhui enters and takes a sit on the bed, staring at Wonwoo sitting on his gaming chair with all his delicacy and discretion. Which means glaring with disgust at the sight of his greasy hair, oversized black hoodie, and deep under-eye circles. Not to mention the empty bags of chips and the ice cream tray.

-Man is it that serious?

Instead of answering like the mature and polite grown-up man he is, Wonwoo growls, sinking deeper in his sweater, tightening the laces to let only a small part of his face appear. His roommate shakes his head with a chuckle and stretches his arms before sticking their eyes together, suddenly turning serious.

-Wonwoo. You weren't even in love. Why do you make such a drama about it? Oh Hoshi! Come here baby!

The dramatic broken-hearted man chokes on his saliva because of what Junhui just said. Because it hits him, really strong. Could it be true? Their black cat enters and jumps on the bed to cuddle in his owner's arms.

-Can we name her otherwise? Please?

The grey haired boy wouldn't even have to answer anything because of how explicit his look is. He just killed Wonwoo with a glance, protectively tightening his arms around the cat's belly.

-Never. Hoshi is Hoshi, I don't care if your ex named her like that. It's not her fault if he ditched you.

Cat is still there, begging for caresses, and Wonwoo manages his annoyance by giving the pet what he wants.

-You know you're supposed to be supportive, right? Like, I've been dumped, my heart is broken, you're my bestfriend and all that stuff. And why the heck do you think I wasn't in love? Can't you see how hurt I am?

Throwing a jaded glare,  Junhui looks more and more exasperated every second that passes. He deeply sighs, crosses his legs and gets ready to give explanations like an academic teacher or a scientist.

-No, I can't. Because you're just denying the truth. The fact that you've never been in love with Soonyoung. You've been friends for what... a century? Getting "together" was the most natural thing for you two, you took the easiest way to resolve... I don't even know what! When I met you, you weren't "officially" together, but once you were there hasn't been any change. You looked nothing but in love Wonwoo. And I'm precisely saying it as your friend. Have you even... had... sex?

This time, Wonwoo really chokes on his saliva, making Cat jump off his knees and run away to the living room. How can he? If he had something to throw at him, he'd do it, but instead, he just yells at his friend, furiously blushing. With a sigh, Junhui leans on the bed, bringing Hoshi on him, tracing circles in the air with his index-finger, not paying attention to the outraged yelling boy next to him.

-So you didn't.

Hopefully, Hoshi lying on his stomach is enough of a shield to protect him from being killed, and Wonwoo just sighs, dejected of how right his friend is. Statement after statement, he clears Wonwoo's ideas. He's nothing but wrong. Just as he said it himself, Soonyoung and him were "friends with extras". Why has he been so blind? His heart tightens, not because of the breakup, but because of all these years he fooled himself, convinced himself of the sincerity of this relationship. Soonyoung has always been a friend. Nothing more.

-Okay Einstein, get out of here now. I need to figure out how much my life has been a mess. And- PUT THAT CAT DOWN. Hoshi's staying with me.

~

"Oh, I'm sorry.", apologies Junhui after bumping in a guy while dragging Wonwoo along in the corridors. "Can't you be more careful?" The hurried student doesn't even stop nor wait for Junhui's answer and nimbly makes his way through the crowd, not seeing the grey-haired man's look. "Well, that's what we call being skinny.", he whistles. Wonwoo whimpers plainly at the end of his friend's hand. He doesn't want to be here, to see so many people reminding him of Soonyoung.

-That guy works at the library. He's a friend of Soonyoung.

-The word library suddenly takes a lot more of importance. When is it open?

-Jun NO.

-Oh come one I'm bored I- Jeonghan! Jeonghan wait!

Letting go of his friend's hand, Junhui flies away in a fingersnap and lets Wonwoo being rushed, invisible at the other students sight. With a surge of will, he takes a step to reach his locker, but ends up on the floor, his knees hitting the tiling with a scary sound. He's too lazy to care about the pain, and ignores the hand reaching for him. "Are you okay? I'm sorry there's too much people in there." That guy is a giant. And looks truly sorry, not like the thousand of persons carelessely rushing everyone in the hallways. With a quick nod, Wonwoo disappears, carried by the crowd wave, hopefully ending up in front of his locker.

-Junhui told me.

Slamming a hand on the metallic door, Wonwoo fails to have a heartattack when one of his friend appears next to him just like a ghost.

-Good thing for you.

-In fact, Junhui told Jeonghan who told Jisoo who told me.

-Still good for you. What do I do with this information now?

About to lose it, Seungcheol slams his face and swallows a growl. When he puts a supportive hand on his shoulder, Wonwoo tells himself that maybe Junhui's honesty wasn't that bad. He suddenly doesn't want anyone's pity.

-You know you can talk to me, right?

After taking his chemistry and engineering books out, Wonwoo closes his locker and gives his friend the fakest smile ever.

-I know Seungcheol, thank you Seungcheol. I've got classes, goodbye Seungcheol.

~

 _I can't believe I've followed you here_.

It's the first thought going through Wonwoo's mind when they take a step in the library. He knows the place by heart for having spent probably a quarter of his life in it, either looking for Soonyoung or just studying. When the smell of books, dust and old carpet comes to his nose, he immediately turns to the exit. "Ji's probably hungry I didn't feed her this morning, I can't let her starving any more." It doesn't take long before Junhui catches the back of his jacket to drag him inside, whispering :

-I've fed all our cats this morning, just like I do every other day, and this tiny baby girl could spend a week without eating so don't worry.

-I don't want to come Jun, I want to go home.

The young man sharply lets go of the fabric and forces his friend to face him, holding him by the arms.

-Wonwoo, it's time to face your faith, you-

-IT'S NOT MY FAITH JUNHUI, IT'S MY EX FOR GOD'S SAKE!

A wave of "Shhh" arises from all the working heads in the reading room, and quickly, Soonyoung appears, frowning.

-Seems like you called me.

~

-It's neither the place nor the moment for that conversation Gyu...

Unhooking his fingers from Minghao's hips and breaking his kiss on his neck, the young man frowns, noticing how annoyed and alarmed his lover is. He doesn't stop throwing scared looks in the alley.

-Sounds weird for someone who's hands are under my shirt. And we're not even talking.

-I think you should go.

-You're the one who called me?!

-IT'S NOT MY FAITH JUNHUI, IT'S MY EX FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Rudely pushing him away, Minghao looks in the library from the shelving they're hiding behind and catches his wrist for him to follow. Soonyoung is already there, arguing with a guy he knows for being his boyfriend, but right now they look thousand miles away from that status. But the guy- could his name be Yonu? Yonu turns to him as soon as him and Mingyu enter in his visual field and points a finger at him from afar, interrupting Soonyoung.

-Look Jun, he's there and Oh! he's already got a boyfriend, too bad! Now, home.

Turning his back on them, he lets his friend and Soonyoung alone. The grey-haired guy looks at Minghao with surprise in his eyes, shrugs when his eyes fall on Mingyu's wrist in his hand, and leaves too. When Minghao realizes his grip, he sharply lets go of the young man's arm and shoves him while going back to the lending desk, mumbling. "Go home please."

-Hao...

-Go. Home.

A hurricane is breaking everything in his mind. This boy is so complicated to understand, to reach, to keep. At every step taken forward, there's three backwards. He's tired of fighting. It has lasted for six months now. Okay, Xu Minghao is _really_ good at every thing he does, but sometimes Mingyu misses the things he _doesn't_ do. Everytime (and it's really rare) he acts nice, a storm follows right after, breaking every thing Mingyu thought they built. And he's not apart of the problem, of course not. His studies are making him tense and this chaotic relationship doesn't help for his explosive personnality. No mention of his never-ending will to be right, bumping in Minghao's one.

But he likes it. The short moments they can get along are precious to him. He lives in the wait of them to happen, more and more further from each other. When they watch a movie together, cuddled on a sofa, when they review their common classes, when they go to the car wash. Oh gosh, the _car wash._ There's always a fight to know which one's car they're going to take, but the making out sessions following are worth it, pure gold. Their best memories together happened in a car.

But the real question is : does he like Minghao? Everytime he thinks of it, Mingyu feels at the edge of a cliff, his lungs compressed and emptied from oxygen, letting him out of breath. If he answers, if he faces the truth and admits how he feels for Minghao, he falls. It's better to step back and stay comforted in their eternal fights, waiting for the drop that will break the camel's back.

Mingyu enters the professional zone of the library, quickly finds his boyfriend sitting behind a computer and before he can even yell at him, blame him for being where he shouldn't or just for existing, Mingyu catches his chin to stick their eyes together. "You know what? Forget me.", he whispers, and immediately leaves before his heart hurts too much.

This evening, he takes his own car, with no fight preceding, goes to the car wash on his own, absently waves at Hansol in his fluorescent vest who looks surprised of his loneliness, closes his eyes and waits. The rainbow colors on his windscreen look dull tonight, the obscurity they cause isn't as enjoyable as it used to. For once, he's happy that it's done and doesn't sigh when the water showers the bubbles and gives way to the light again.

~

Oh. That's the guy he shoved yesterday. But wait, wasn't he the one making a scene at the library? Probably, because as soon as their eyes meet, panic floods his and he immediately hides behind his locker, the same friend of him grinning when he sees the scene. They don't know each other, but that gray-haired boy waves at him with a wink and elbows his friend who looks really busy with his phone, hiding his face with it. Mingyu strangely feels forced to wave at them with an awkward smile and fastens up his pace through the crowd. He's only got a few minutes to go to the bathroom before his class. The door is only a few meters away when a strong grip on his wrist makes him turn and face Minghao, who's fingers are burning his skin, and pulls him closer. Too close. "What was that yesterday?" he whispers, slightly tiptoeing, his breath stroking Mingyu's face, eyes darker than ever. When Mingyu wants to free himself, his boyfriend straightens his hand around his wrist and, not caring about the amused or disgusted looks around them, approaches his mouth just a few inches away from Mingyu's, stealing his oxygen when he talks. "If I forget you, you'll need to forget me too. But you can't, right?" The tanned young man's gaze is hard when he pushes his lover away, containing his growing desire.

-I'm tired Hao. I can't always be there when you're in the mood and be kicked out when Mister's annoyed.

Violently pulling on his own wrist to free himself, he finally enters the bathroom where a couple is making out like teenagers, and deeply sighs. They stop for a second, giving him an awkward smile, and start again as if he wasn't there. He's splashing his face when the door slams open and Minghao enters, making the two lovers startle.

-Out, bitches.

-Hello Minghao!

-Goodbye Minghao!

In a handle of seconds, they're alone and soon enough the bell rings, promising them solitude. "Who are they?" asks Mingyu, and when Minghao comes closer, his body attracting to him, laying a hand to his neck, the tall man catches it with strength, still not over their fight despite his irrelevant question.

-Oh I don't know. I think one of them's called Jisoo and in fact I don't give a shit. Come on babe I'm sorry I-

Letting go of his wrist to catch his jaw instead, forcing him to straighten up the head, Mingyu whispers, voice raw and hoarse :

-I'm not at your mercy Minghao. Don't act like you're the king and me your slave. I don't have time for that bullshit.

He can see the exact moment it messes up. When he looses control. When Minghao's gaze turns from eager to sardonic, vicious. When he leans his head in Mingyu's hand, purring, reaches for his waist to pull him closer.

_Ah shit. Here we go again._

He's tired of falling for Xu Minghao's magic tricks. He perfectly knows how to act, how to touch, how to move to make him flinch and crack. "You don't have time for that?" he whines sensually next to his ear. Pinching his hip, tickling the root of his hair on the nape, licking his canines when their lips meet. Growling to pass on the vibration from his throat, leaning to stick their chests together, sliding a leg between his. Taking one of his hand to make him touch his butt, arching towards him when the palm enters in contact with the skin of his lower-back, pushing him to the sink, the ceramic soon enough blocking his thighs from behind.

-You still angry?

Ah. He may have the power to bewitch him in a finger snap, but he's even better at ruining everything and giving Mingyu's negative feelings back even deeper than they were before it. So he breaks the embrace and growls at the view of his boyfriend's surprised look. "Of course I am. You dumbass." Taking his hands back and pushing him away to get out, the anger is bubbling in him just like a shaken soda.

-We could... go to the carwash tonight?

-My car's already clean.

-But mine's not though...

Seems like the bottle has been shaken too strong. Mingyu turns to his lover, a hand resting on the doorknob and yells :

-Everything's not about sex Minghao! You've gotta learn that! And- OH FUCK-

The door hits his head so violently that he doesn't see anything for a second. At the exact moment Mingyu feels the blood going down his hair, he decides this day couldn't get worse and leaves the room, not paying attention to the poor guilty guy panicking behind the door, shoving him to leave this fucking school.

~

The giant again. How can he see a guy he's never seen in his life before so many times in less than two days? A loud bang. Blood on his head. "I'm sorry, oh my god I'm so sorry are you okay? I'm sorry, sorry sorry sorry" But he doesn't listen and flies away, letting him alone with the librarian and his a-bit-too-disheveled hair, swollen lips and killing glance.

-What? You want to point at me again?

Shaking his head, Wonwoo quickly locks himself in a toilet cabin and hears the guy turning on the tap, letting out loud sighs.

-What happened yesterday? I'm pretty sure Soonyoung wasn't like usual after you left.

Of course he wasn't. Because he'd seen him acting like an immature child unable to act like an adult after a breakup and making a scene at his workplace. Exactly what he reproached him. And that Wonwoo, completely panicked because of the situation and his unexpected anger blast, told him that maybe they shouldn't stay friends.

-I'm just dumb.

When he goes out of the cabin, Minghao eyes him through the mirror, staring from hair to toes with a judging look and hisses "You look so.".

Maybe he should go home. This day is already bad before it even really started. But Junhui would kill him. At least he'd have deserved it for almost killing someone else. Wonwoo decides to wander on the campus and quickly finds himself in the parking lot, empty from life. At the only exception of a man, in his car, forehead leaning on the steering wheel, hands surrounding his head. He doesn't look really fine, and Wonwoo feels forced to assure himself that he's okay, so he approaches the car and gently knocks at the window, making the guy startle so strong that he almost bumps his head on the roof. Oh. Him again. They stare at each other for a second before he finally lowers the window, looking washed out.

-It's you again.

Wonwoo suddenly feels embarrassed of being here, of bothering him after what happened. Fiddling his backpack straps, Wonwoo looks down on his feet to avoid the guy's desperate look.

-I just wanted to assure you were okay...

With a loud sigh, he leans against his seat, running a hair through his hair, wincing when he touches his injury. Eyes closed, his long lashes caressing his tanned cheeks, he whispers, almost too weak for Wonwoo to hear "Rough day eh?". He looks so sad. Something in his way to move, to speak, to act, shows exhaustion. But not physical tiredness. "I'd rather say rough week." He strangely looks amused when he opens his eyes, a grin stretching his lips. His brown eyes look at his face for the first time, and he seems to notice how similarly down they are at that exact moment.

-I should go... I've already missed too many classes recently. Bye.

Turning his back on him, Wonwoo is stopped when the guy catches his wrist, softly.

-Looks like we're meant to meet a lot these days. I'm Mingyu.

-Oh. Wonwoo.

After a handshake, Wonwoo quickly leaves to reach his class, running through the empty corridors, meeting the librarian and his rude look again, trying to calm the crazy beatings of his heart.

He's not used to talk to a stranger like that. It's not in his DNA. Junhui, for sure, would be the type to become friend with someone he met two minutes ago, but definitely not him. The sparkle of his hazel eyes are still there even if he blinks again and again. When Wonwoo discreetly enters the classroom and takes a sit next to Junhui, his friend immediately eyes him with a grin, and after a few seconds, whispers :

-You, saw someone. For sure.

-No.

He doesn't add anything, but Jun obviously doesn't believe him. He's out of breath, cheeks redened, looks lost, and one could almost hear his unusually fast heartbeats.

-Are things getting better again with Soonyoung?

Junhui is focused on his notebook, drawing cats, and if he wasn't careful enough Wonwoo could almost have not heard him. But he did. And he can almost hear his heart stop beating for a second with a loud bang, just like a car braking too abruptly. He turns the head to his innocent friend, anger suddenly sinking his claws on him again.

-NO!

All the students turn to him, but Wonwoo ignores them and focuses on Jun's widened eyes. He's not a sanguine person. Far from it. And it's the first time his friend is seeing him angry so many times in a short time lapse. Analyzing the glimpse of sadness in his eyes, Junhui concludes that anger is Wonwoo's way to deal with sorrow. Carefully patting his friend's arm, Jun softens and chases his jokes away. "Sorry. I get it."

~

"I'm taking you out. You need to relax a bit and leave your cave."

That was probably a bad idea. Like every other time Wonwoo decided to trust Junhui and go out with him. The campus bar is already too crowded for his low social-adaptation capacity. When they're about to enter the place, Wonwoo pulls on his too excited roommate and gives him a warning look :

-You won't kiss anybody, including me, right? I'm still traumathized...

With a loud guffaw, Junhui nods and catches his friend's wrist to give themselves in the wolf mouth. The music is deafening, mixed with snippets of conversation, laughs, screams. With the hope that alcohol will help him to soothe his ideas, Wonwoo sits at the bar and orders beers for him and Junhui, who throws him a disgusted look. "I refuse to buy you a cocktail and be responsible of your lost." The eldest shrugs and looks around the crowd to detect his future prey. The other side of the counter looks attractive because he focuses a lot more than what he should and soon enough catches Wonwoo's attention. Following his friend's look direction, his eyes widened when he recognizes the barman he's staring at.

-You see that pretty face over there?

-Yeah that's Mingyu. We saw him the other-

-Perfect.

Not noticing the way Wonwoo is looking at him -panicked and confused, Junhui waves at the tall man with a bright smile, and he arrives a few seconds later. Wonwoo turns his back on them but still catches the conversation, already tired of how hard he'll be forced to fight to hold Junhui back. But what if he doesn't? Just for once?

-When is your shift done?

-In an hour, why?

-Well I guess I'll have to buy you a drink, Mingyu.

-Oh... okay? I have to go, but see you later!

When he hears him getting away, Wonwoo turns to Junhui again and sees his silly smile. Finally turning to his friend, the grey-haired man's lips fall down and he takes a sip of his beer, wincing because of the bitterness. "What? What's wrong?" Wonwoo is about to remind him who Mingyu is when a hand on his shoulder makes him have a heart attack and forget his warnings. Junhui gets down of his stool to hug his friends and orders new drinks for Jisoo and Jeonghan. Just like that, the night goes on, Seungcheol joining them at some point, the couple disappearing probably to make out in the bathroom, Junhui getting a bit too drunk, Wonwoo getting a bit too bored. When an hour has passed, not breaking his promise, Mingyu comes, provoking Wonwoo's escape to the other side of the bar, far enough for not being seen, but still having a look at Junhui. He can't let him mess everything up.

Alone at a table, Wonwoo is absently stirring a weird-colored drink someone put in his hands, thinking of how better and funnier the nights were with Soonyoung. He was his best friend. The one who made him laugh, who made him feel comfortable. Further, Junhui and Mingyu seem to have fun, laughing and slowly getting closer to each other. Wonwoo's attention is diverted from his friend's a-bit-too-red cheeks when a young man slides on the bench in front of him. Taking his cap off, Chan offers him a bright smile as Wonwoo sincerely thanks God for giving him a reason to be there.

-It's been a long time! How are you doing?

Chan runs a hand through his hair and looks around, peacefully sighing. When he looks at Wonwoo again, his eyes disappear as a smile takes place on his face again.

-Can't get any better I guess. The library's finally closed, I'm free! You alone?

Shaking the head to answer, Wonwoo suddenly remembers why he's sitting alone and looks at Junhui again. Shit. Asking Chan to wait with his index finger, he quickly stands up to get through the crowd and stop his friend from making out with a man already in a relationship. During his epic to reach the counter, his eyes fall on Soonyoung, lost in the crowd, laughing with a man he doesn't know. His heart tightens for a second, but there's no time for heart troubles when he notices someone who obviously saw the same thing as him and has been faster. Do all the librarians gather here after work or is it just the fate being relentless? He sees Minghao emerging from the crowd and reaching Mingyu and Junhui who break their kiss, one with a caught-on look, the other just frustrated of the interruption. Immediately being caught by the colar, Jun bursts out laughing at Minghao's raised fist while Mingyu tries to stop his boyfriend.

-Hao stop!

Wonwoo feels ejected of the crowd when he litteraly falls on Minghao, making himself fall on Junhui who falls off his stool, ending up on the floor. That's a mess. Mingyu catches the back of Wonwoo's shirt to stop him from falling while Minghao's fist finally meets Jun's pretty face with a weird sound. But that dumbass keeps on giggling, too drunk to feel the pain or just getting alarmed that he's actually getting his ass kicked for having someone cheating on his boyfriend. Mingyu bends down to pull Minghao backwards, almost choking him, finally breaking the fight, and Wonwoo kneels to assure that his friend is okay. But what he sees just wants him to let Minghao beat him again : he is _winking_ at his offender. Which one, when he sees Wonwoo, extricates from Mingyu's hold to attack him this time, quickly clinging on his colar with despair in the eyes. He's hurt.

-IT'S YOU AGAIN?! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THERE?!

-MINGHAO STOP! ENOUGH!

Fearing for Wonwoo's life for a second, Mingyu is finally strong enough to make his boyfriend stand up and pulls him to the exit, after throwing a confused look at Wonwoo. Nobody is paying attention to the quartet, and Wonwoo soon enough takes Junhui back to his mind with a few slaps. When his dark eyes seem to be back to reality, when he rubs his red cheek and wince, meaning that he's probably able to live on his own, Wonwoo stands up and abandon him on the floor. "I can't believe I'm still friend with you."

~

-So what's your excuse?

The fresh night air cooling his head off, there's now nothing but bitterness in Minghao's voice. Crossing his arms, keeping a reasonable distance between him and Mingyu, he's waiting. Mastering the art of hiding his feelings, he shows nothing but wrath when in fact he's hurt. Terribly hurt. And Mingyu's shame painted on his face won't be enough to fix what he did. Looking down on his feet, he sighs many times, clenches his fists, manages all the regrets invading his heart.

-I don't have any. There's no excuse for that. It's just... you know how hard it is for me to keep up on you? He was nice and listened to me. It had been a long time.

-So that's my fault?!

He can't justify what he did. He can't erase what he did. He can't forget the fact that he actually liked it. Minghao's voice cracks at the end of his question. Mingyu straightens up the head and wants to take a step to him, but his boyfriend steps back, his dark eyes shining, full of tears and disbelief. "Don't touch me" he whispers, his breath forming a tiny cloud in the cold night. Just when he's about to explode about how hard their relationship is, to tell how much he's hurt, Wonwoo gets out of the bar, quickly followed by Junhui. The nocturnal atmosphere is making everyone look livid, and the muffled music makes them four feel like they're in a bubble. They all stare at each other for a moment, and Wonwoo finally is the one to break the silence :

-I'm sorry. I should've kept an eye on him, I know how he behaves when he's drunk.

Minghao bursts out laughing, nervously running a hand through his hair, avoiding everyone's look. "That's the less implicated who apologizes... sorry for punching you okay? Just get out of my sight and everything will be alright." Junhui bows a few times, unable to speak, not stable on his feet, and Wonwoo drags him away, whispering apologies again.

-We should continue this conversation at home.

~

He didn't think it would end up like that. Both exploding like time bombs. After yelling at each other for endless minutes, they're now both sitting each at one edge of the sofa and Mingyu looks at the tears on Minghao's face. He keeps on shaking his head, holding his temples, trying his best to not sob. He knows Xu Minghao for being someone strong, dominant, unbreakable. It seems like his opinion flows with the tears on his cheeks.

-You know, I'm not dumb. I know this relationship wasn't going to end up well. I saw how bad it evolved. I was just denying it. We can't blame each other's personnality. We can't blame each other for being who we are.

Statement after statement, Mingyu's heart tightens a bit more. He doesn't want this conversation to end, because he perfectly knows how it will do. Wiping the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, he comes a bit closer to Minghao, trying to catch his look, resting a begging hand on the sofa, tending to him.

-But I like you Minghao.

He looks desperate when finally meeting his eyes. Tears flock again. He doesn't take Mingyu's hand. His poise and stubborness are long disappeared when his voice shakes crazily as he answers :

-Of course I like you too Mingyu. But aren't we going straight to our lost like that? Maybe we're just not made for each other... That's poisonous.

It hurts. So much. Taking the distance separating them down, Mingyu sits next to him, hesitates for a second, finally pulls him closer in a hug. Minghao's body shakes in his arms. He has to manage himself to not do the same. Crying together, they stay in each other's arms for hours.

When the sun wakes the city up behind the windows, tears dry, hearts heavy, Minghao breaks the silence, numb and drunk with sorrow, whispering against his boyfriend's chest :

-What do we do now?

 


	2. Chapter 2

It feels weird to cry. He misses him. He misses his presence, his laugh, his jokes, his energy. He misses Soonyoung. Junhui and even Soonyoung himself were right, it was not really love. It has never really been love. But still, they've been friends since forever and there's a blank in his life, where he was usually standing. Hiding his face in Ji's fur, Wonwoo lets the tears flowing on the long red cat's hair. Ji has always been his confidant, his best friend when he's down. She lets him cry, not caring about the tears soaking her fur. She doesn't judge him nor try to argue with him, she just purs and soothes every parcel of him until the tears stop and he feels lightened.

~

"You know where Minghao is?" When he hears his name, the young man unhides his face from his crossed arms on the table and discovers that guy, again, standing in the door frame of the classroom. What does he want? Nobody answers him, but he quickly finds who he is looking for and a stupid smile stretches his rosy lips. He approaches and sits at the desk in front of Minghao, provoking a recoil movement.

-What do you want? Kissing my b... Mingyu wasn't enough? You want to flip the knife over? Because-

-Wo, wo, wo calm down.

At first, there was nothing but anger in his eyes, going on and with the reproaches. Junhui raises the hands in a protective way, waiting for Minghao to be done. When his bitterness fades and lets place to sadness, when he hushes, Junhui crosses his arms on the table and whispers, careful to stay discreet.

-Listen, I'm sorry. I was drunk. He... he looked sad. I wanted to comfort him. I was too drunk to remember who he was. I... if there's anything I can do to help you, let me know.

He looks like he doesn't know what to do. If he's supposed to get angry again, if he's supposed to ignore him, if he's supposed to give freedom to the burden of sorrow weighing on his shoulders. So he just sighs and rubs his face.

-I think you did nothing than tilt an already small balance. Mingyu is single now. You should go, the class is about to begin.

Opening the mouth to say something, Junhui closes it. There's nothing he can say. Standing up, he just pats Minghao's shoulder before leaving the classroom. After one last look at the lost looking guy, he makes his way to his own classroom. Wen Junhui has never really felt guilty about his behavior. Always living on day-to-day, careless, with no tomorrow. But today, seeing this sadness in Minghao's eyes, knowing that he's one of the reasons of a breakup, makes him think again. Maybe that's not the best way to act. Maybe he should grow up, become a bit more mature and responsible.

Maybe he should change.

~

Coming to class is the best decision he took, even if right now, he's already regreting his choice. Sitting in his car, he looks at the wave of students making their way to the university building. Languishing on his life is stupid, but he can't do anything else. Oh no. Not tears again. Mingyu quickly leans his forehead on the steering wheel to hold them back and not being seen. He messed everything up. It was already unsteady and fragile, but he kicked it and everything crashed. Tightening his grip on the steering wheel, he lets out a sob, too tired to fight against the pain.

A gentle knock at the window. He furiously wipes the few tears that escaped and looks up. Wonwoo. He's the least person he'd want to talk to. Why did this guy pop up in his life like that? A week earlier, he didn't know him, and now, he's there, standing in front of his car with a shy smile. Mingyu waves at him to enter and sit next to him. He goes back to his silent crying session, not caring about the shy and embarassed boy next to him. The atmosphere in the car is uncomfortable, heavy.

-I'm sorry, I-

-Don't. I'm begging you, Don't. If that's the only thing you wanted to say, you can go.

When he looks up to him, the tears continuously running down his face, Wonwoo's heart tightens. That's a disaster. The only thing he's able to do is putting a comforting hand on Mingyu's shoulder. If they were closer, had known each other for a longer time, he'd take him in his arms. But they're not friends. They're not close. They've known each other for a week. "Sorry..." Mingyu chuckles through his tears. Wiping them with the back of his hand, he tilts the head and gives him a sad smile.

-Is there anything else you can say?

-Probably, but there's nothing coming to my mind right now. Can I buy you a coffee later? To... apologize?

Seeing the last students running to the building, Mingyu picks up his bag at Wonwoo's feet, letting him the occasion to smell his shampoo. Blueberry. Interesting. When he straightens up and sees Wonwoo blushing and avoiding his eyes, Mingyu scratches his nape in embarassment.

-This car is definitely too small. Okay for the coffee, but only if you don't say sorry. I have to go.

No one could guess he was crying a few minutes earlier. As soon as Wonwoo gets out of the car, Mingyu locks it, waves at him and runs away. It's only when he sees him getting further that he realizes what he just did. Why did he ask that?! Slapping his own face, Wonwoo sighs and makes his way to his class too, not worried of being late. His teacher gave up a long time ago on hoping for him to arrive on time.

-You're late too.

-As you can see. Are you okay?

In the deathly empty hallways, the two roommates don't hurry to get in class. Junhui's face is dark, there's no trace of smile, which is more than unusual. Wrapping an arm around his tall friend's shoulders, Wonwoo waits for the answer at his question. Jun looks frustrated, confused. Frowning, he finallly looks at his friend.

-Why did you never tell me how disgusting I am?

Stopping in the middle of the corridors, Wonwoo pulls on his sleeve to make him do the same.

-Why are you saying that? Did something happen?

Junhui shakes his grey streaks and fiddles his over-sized shirt. Wonwoo has never seen him like that. Of course something happened.

-You know what? Let's skip chemistry class. It's boring anyway, I'll help you to catch up on the programm. Now, you come with me and tell me what happened.

Just like a child, Junhui lets his friend drag him to the exit, pouting, fighting against the burden on his heart. Going through an existential crisis is a first time for him. Having all these questions spinning crazily in his mind, reconsidering every single thing he did in the past, every single time he acted recklessly. Thinking of all the people he might have hurt. As soon as they take a step outside, he sniffs to swallow the huge ball clogging his throat and Wonwoo turns to him, alarmed of the sound.

-You're not crying, right? Hey Junnie what's wrong?

He doesn't want to face the truth. Because Wonwoo can't lie, so if he asks him if he's a monster -and he already knows the answer, he'll see it on his face, in his eyes. He shakes the head again and mumbles "I want the cats.", getting a nod from his friend who catches his wrist to go to the bus stop.

~

-Okay, now, tell me.

Surrounded by Hoshi, Cat and Ji, wrapped in a blanket, a bottle of ice tea in the hands, Junhui has now no choice than speak. Wonwoo has looked utterly worried during the whole process of making him comfortable. He always feels like a child or one of their cats when Wonwoo manages to take care of him. The words are struggling to come out of his throat. It's hard to admit what he did. Or at least what he blames himself for.

-I saw Minghao this morning. I broke them. They broke up because of what I did. He looked so... depressed and down. So sad. I'm a monster, right?

Sensing the sorrow shrouding him, Ji rubs herself against her owner's chest, purring to get strokes. Sitting on the carpet in front of Junhui's bed, Wonwoo reaches for his hand, confusion in his eyes. When Jun clutches his fingers and avoids his look, Wonwoo's heart tightens.

-Junnie. You're not a monster, and you need to understand that. They broke up, yes, but you're not the only reason of it, far from it. You've just been... one more reason. Trust me, I don't know them really well, but I think their couple was already going through a hard time. You're not the only responsible of this kiss. Mingyu did it too. You were two, it's not only about you.

Letting go of his hand, Junhui spreads his arms out and lets them fall on the mattress, getting a small startle from the cats. He can't look at Wonwoo. He doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want to see that he's saying all of that only to comfort him. But he can't avoid the truth longer if he wants to change.

-But it's not only about them. I've never been responsible, I'm immature, I don't know how to act like an adult, how to assume my acts, how to not be the asshole I've been the other night. Wonwoo you can't just try to reassure me, I need to know the truth, I need you to tell me how a bad person I am.

It's too much. He can't see his friend not trusting him any more second. Wonwoo climbs up to sit on the bed and taps Junhui's knee to get his attention. When he finally resigns himself to look at him in the eyes, Wonwoo's voice is strong, strict.

-You're not a bad person. You've never been so. I wouldn't be your friend if you were. I wouldn't still be there after so many years if you were a bad person Junhui. So stop believing you're a monster or whatever the hell you want, and move on. You're a bit childish, that's true, but now you're aware of it. Everything can change, you can take your responsibities and be forgiven for your mistakes. Please, stop blaming and insulting yourself.

He finally looked at him. He saw his friend's honesty. He saw the truth, but not the one he thought he'd see. Wonwoo is right. He can change.

~

It miraculously turned out Mingyu had his phone number and they could find a date and a place to share this coffee. Wonwoo has never been so nervous in his whole life. Even the day he responded to an announce for a collocation and met Junhui, years ago. Soonyoung accompanied him, held his hand. But today Wonwoo is alone, fiddling his sleeves when Jisoo brings him his third coffee. He arrived far too early, and it doesn't help to soothe his nervousness. Why the heck did he propose this coffee to Mingyu? He does not know how to have social interractions, that's a fact, and after so many years he should know himself better than that. This ... is that a date? Of course not. This meeting will probably be awkward, he won't know what to say and Mingyu will be embarassed because of him.

He's lost in the contemplation of milk mixing in his beverage when a silhouette enters in his visual field. Straightening up the head. Meeting Mingyu's bright but shy smile. Standing up, not knowing why. Almost dropping the cup of coffee. Rushing to catch it up at the same time as Mingyu. Bumping their heads. Letting out a weird cackle as a laugh. Apologizing. Blushing because he's not supposed to say sorry. Finally sitting down.

-So... hum... how are you? Since... yesterday?

Mingyu shrugs and whispers his order when Jisoo comes to take it. He seems to discover the place. A sweet and cozy coffee place, Wonwoo's hideout. When he realizes that he's supposed to answer, Mingyu chuckles and sticks his hazel eyes in Wonwoo's.

-Better, I guess. And... what about you? Everything turned around me and my dramatic sadness, but you didn't really look okay neither.

"I miss my best friend." Oh. It slipped out naturally. Maybe Mingyu obvious and genuine interest helped. Kindly taking the cup Jisoo comes back to serve him, he approaches, elbows on the table. "Tell me a bit more".

~

_What the hell am I doing here._

There must be billions of books. Junhui wanders between the shelves, letting his index finger weaving along the old, new, cloth, plastic book backs. The tags are a foreign language for him. What are all these numbers made for? It's been ten minutes and he still doesn't know how to approach the loaning desk. _I haven't read a book in years, that's stupid._ Okay. The smell is sickening him and these endless racks are making his head spin. Time to take courage with both hands.

Once out of the labyrinth, he ends up right in front of the desk, where a black-haired head is hanging above an opened book. He's so focused that his streaks are almost touching the counter. Clearing his throat, he makes Minghao startle and hastily slams the book close. _The Tale of Genji_. Chinese edition. His surprised expression fades as soon as he recognizes Junhui. Why does it feel like this guy is running after him?

-Yes? Can I do anything for you? Soonyoung's not there today.

Junhui shakes the head. Why are his hands trembling? Quick. He dives them in his pockets and stares at a stain in the carpet to focus. Minghao's fingers are slightly taping the counter as he waits, obviously annoyed of his presence.

-Do you have any books about self-development?

The surprise on his face reappears. He nods. One. Two. Three times. Puts his book aside, leaves his place to finally break the distance between them. He doesn't stop and immediately disappears behind the shelving. One, two, three seconds. His head pops up with a confused face. "C'mon, follow me. " Oh. Okay. That rascal is running. It takes Junhui long seconds to find him perched up a scale, utterly focused, his fingers dancing on the different book backs. He's reading what Junhui thought was only coded message.

-What do these numbers mean?

That's the only smart thing that came to his mind. Breaking his focus only for a second to give Junhui a surprised look, since it appears to be the only thing he can do, Minghao quickly looks at the books again.

-Universal decimal classification. Each number has a signification, belows to a subjet. The more the number is long, the more precisely it describes the book and its subject. This area is about psychology. What kind of personnal development do you need?

He can't avoid the furious blushing on his cheeks. _Of course he guessed it dumbass, it's obvious that the book is for you._ But Minghao doesn't seem to care, and just patiently waits for his answer. Voice small and shy, Junhui mumbles, still loud enough for the librarian to hear :

-Empowerment? I guess?

The dance starts again. Taking a step down on the scale, bending over to reach for a book, delicately taking it out, wedging it in his arm, climbing up again, mouth slightly falling open, eyes squinting to read what's far, shaking the head. Choosing two other books, sliding down the scale, almost falling face first, to finally face Junhui, realizing that he's actually taller, feeling short for an instant, handing him the books, avoiding his sparkly eyes.

-There you are. It's under 159, this whole shelf is about that subject if you want to check it yourself.

Junhui nods, shyly takes the books, feels the light breeze as Minghao disappears. He tightens the books strong in his arms, doesn't even look at the other possibilities offering to him. About to go back to the loaning desk, an idea rushes through his mind and he takes out his phone. Quickly searching "Chinese bestseller" on internet, trying to find the good department, meeting Chan who leads him happily and shows him the book he wants. Finally choosing one randomly, taking it out with the biggest care, just like he saw Minghao doing it.

Once back to Minghao, the annoyance has left his face. When he sees the roman on top of the pile, a grin stretches his lips. He looks up to Junhui with what happens to be the brightest smile he's ever seen on him, which immediately make him blush. Are these dimples even humanly possible?

-That's a good choice. Tell me what you thought about it when you're done. Can I have your reader card?

_Oh shit._

~

-Are these real books? Junnie is that you? Oh my god who are you?!

Wonwoo is found shooted in a second by Junhui's scolding glare, and he takes a chair to sit in front of his friend, already lost again in what seems to be intense reading.

-What are you doing? I've never seen you _read_. Like... never. Are you sick?

-Can we talk later? I'm focused.

The glass of ice tea next to him is empty, three other books opened, a scribbled notebook lying miserably on top of the pile. Wonwoo discreetly takes it and tries to decode the hurried characters. Plotted, erased, underlined, a cat head scrawled in the corner of the sheet. "How to take responsabilities", "Make the first step to apologize", "Think twice before acting". When he straightens up the head, Wonwoo doesn't recognize his friend. The line of his forehead is frowned, his eyes wrinkled, his index finger following the lines he's reading. For a second, he's overwhelmed with pride. Admirable. He's really willing to improve and be a better person. Standing up, Wonwoo squeezes his roommate's shoulder, leaving to the kitchen. "Gonna cook for you."

~

Later, lying in his bed, Hoshi's purr resonating from afar, Wonwoo can't sleep.

_"-I'm not used of him being away, of not talking to him for so long. Excepting Junhui, he was my only true friend. I reacted badly, but I guess I was just hurt. This feeling of... of not being enough you know? Realizing that I wasn't enough for him anymore, that he wanted something else of his life, a life where I don't exist. I feel like I'm a part of his past he wants to detach from. But I don't know anything else from him, from his company, I'm lost without him. Why am I even speaking so much? You probably don't care... and you didn't come to hear me lamenting about my life. It's not even this serious..._

_-Hey, why are you blaming yourself? I purposely_ _told_ _you to explain me, it's not like I didn't ask anything. You listened to me too, that's the least I can do for you. Soonyoung... that's his name, right? Soonyoung was and still is a part of you, you can't forget him so easily. And maybe you shouldn't forget him. I think you just need to learn to live without him, even if it's hard, so that later you'll be able to make him a little place, when you'll be healed. Meanwhile, I can try to help you? I think we're both in a period of our life when we need to make new mates, maybe even friends. What do you think about it?"_

Mingyu gave him that bright smile, where his eyes disappear, hidden by his cheekbones, his teeth shiny and a soft chuckle escaping from him. They shook hands, concluded a pact, an untold promise. Of what, he still doesn't really know.

Time will tell them.

~

The hole seems to close a bit, day after day. The huge scar the breakup let in his heart. It's hard, painful, but conceivable. The tears don't threaten as they used to when he meets his eyes, his heart doesn't hurt as much as it did in the first days when they have to sit next to each other, when he feels his body still irreparably attracted to his. It'd be so easy to slide a hand under the table, to move his leg so that their knees are touching, to lean a bit to smell his perfume. But he has to resist. He has to hold on. For their own sake.

_"-I think we don't have a choice Gyu. We're_ _destroying_ _ourselves. It's bad. Terribly bad. You deserve someone that knows how to treat you well, that doesn't hurt you everytime his eyes meet yours._

_-But what if I don't want anyone else? What if the pain is worth it?_

_-It's not. You think it is, but it's not. You haven't seen all the sadness drowning your eyes Mingyu. I don't want to see you like that ever again_ _, not knowing I'm responsible of it._

_-I can change Hao._

_-You don't have to._ _There's no reason you'd be the only one to change, I should've to, too. But if we both would need to change, then it wouldn't really be us anymore_ _. If we can't be who we really are, it means we_ _'re not meant for each other, we_ _shouldn't be together. I'm sick of hurting you. Let's break up_ _Mingyu_ _."_

It seems like it's not as simple as that. After a whole day of managing his best to keep his hands down, to not look at him, to not break the invisible wall behind them, Mingyu finally finds peace in the cocoon of his car. The parking lot is almost empty, he waited late in the evening to leave university and be able to enjoy that short moment of loneliness. Being alone at home doesn't bring him the same peace as his car. After long, long minutes, when he's about to turn on the engine, the passenger door opens and a gust barges in. The fear shrouding him for a second immediately fades as he sees the sorrow in Minghao's eyes. For long seconds, they stare at each other. They want it. They'd die for it. But they both know how bad for them it is. Mingyu raises a hand, reaching for Minghao's cheek, but he remains in the air. _It's bad_. Minghao takes it, intertwines their fingers, looking down on the mix of knuckles, his rings shining at the dusk light. A nostalgic smile stretches his lips. Have they ever held hands before? In a soft way? He's always been brutal, catching Mingyu's wrists, dragging him where _he_ wanted to go. The silence is shrouding them, filling in the cabin, floating like a mocking voice.

_Too bad that it's too late._

When he looks up and sees the tear running down Mingyu's cheek, his heart jumps. It jumps, skips a beat, compresses, falls dead, fastens up. It's too hard. He slides a hand on his nape, still in the fragile silence settled, pulls him closer, very gently, leans forwards. He waits. He smells his hot breath, feels how fast his own heart is beating. _It's bad_. Mingyu leans too, strokes his hair so, so softly. For a second, their foreheads stick together, their nose tips brushing up. _It's bad._ And yet, their lips meet anyway. It has a bittersweet taste. The hands tense up. _It's bad. It's bad. It's really bad._ But the kiss lasts. Again, again and again. Slow, warm, and so, so terribly tender. At some point, it seems like their tears mix to form a magic potion. The result of them. Of Mingyu and Minghao. Of Minghao and Mingyu. The poison of what they shouldn't be doing. The poison that they could both get drunk of. _But it's bad._ When Mingyu's sob finally force them to break the kiss, they both leans back in their seat, wondering about their folly. _It's bad._ But still, their hands are in each other. "I'm sorry." A whisper, a formula to break the spell. The silence falls, breaks in shards, crashes on the floor, on them, hurting them like sandpaper rubbed too hard against skin.

_It's bad._

It smells like farewells. Mingyu closes his eyes, feels Minghao's lips against his one last time, these soft lips he got addict of, and the cold is being felt in his hand. When he opens his eyes, it's dark outside. The sun has set. The passenger seat is empty. Anger. Furiosity. Pain. So much pain. Injustice. Despair. He cries loudly, in the intimacy of his car. Doesn't care is he's seen, doesn't care if he's heard. When the headlights of the last car in the parking lot dazzles him, he turns on the engine, puts on some distordant music and finally drives home.

Maybe it won't be so easy to heal.

 


	3. Chapter 3

-Are you crying?

-I'm not.

-Yes you are Minghao.

-No.

-Are you alright?

Standing in the kitchen door frame, the young man looks at his roommate with the sad expression that hasn't left him since he got out of Mingyu's car. The tiniest detail could pull the trigger and make the tears drown his face again. Seokmin approaches, worries slowly taking place in his eyes. Minghao can't answer the question. Because  _that_ would definitely pull the trigger. Voice shaking, he shrugs and asks :

-Could you... hug me? Please?

Hurriedly nodding, Seokmin opens his arms and Minghao takes refuge in them, curling up like a child, closing his eyes so, so strong that stars appear and form a galaxy of wonders, invading his whole mind, taking him far away, to much better places where sadness and broken hearts don't exist. Seokmin, softly stroking his hair, quietly asks, his breath warm and comforting against Minghao's ear :

-What happened? Hao is it because of-

-Don't say it. Please.

-Okay.

They stay like that for a moment, and when Minghao feels the tears far enough, he straightens up, sniffs, and rubs his eyes before giving his friend the tiniest smile he can. "Thank you." Seokmin nods, squeezes his shoulder, and when he's sure Minghao doesn't want another hug, he gives him a caring smile before going back to the vegetables he was cutting.

He's just... empty. Tired. Exhausted. As soon as his back hits the couch when he lies on it, slumber shrouds him warmly, making his eyelids heavy, promising him a better world once he lets go.

A world where Kim Mingyu doesn't exist and where he's not an idiot to the point of breaking his own heart because he doesn't know how to love painlessly.

~

Junhui's head leans on his shoulder, paced by the bus jolts, his mouth slightly falling open as he falls more deeply asleep. But even exhausted, after nights of reading that he still doesn't want to explain to Wonwoo, he tightens the book in his hands like a treasure, clinging on it as if his life depended on the pages. That's a roman, in Chinese yes, but excepting that detail the book is all the more normal. Wonwoo doesn't get it. It's been a week now. The dark circles under his friend's eyes deepen with the days as his reading progresses. He'll soon be done. And, maybe, he'll finally tell Wonwoo why he is suddenly so attached to this book.

So for now, the only thing he can do is being Junhui's sleeping shoulder, keeping a hand on his thigh to stop him from falling, tapping from his fingertips at the pace of the conversations around him. Looking out the window, the bus being stopped at a red light, he doesn't realize immediately that he's staring at someone in the car just next to the vehicle. It takes him a second to notice the guy waving at him. Oh. Mingyu. Being pressed against the window because of Junhui, he tries his best to extract an arm, and ends up only shyly agitating the hand to Mingyu, looking like a tynorsaurus. In his car, Mingyu giggles, gives a look at the road when the traffic light turns green and quickly waves to Wonwoo that he'll be calling him. He disappears, and a few seconds later, Wonwoo's phone buzzes in his pocket, provoking a grunt from the sleepy bear who curls up, tightening his book against his chest. After a few seconds of struggling to take the phone out, he finally picks up.

_-Hey!_

-Hi, how you going?

_-Worse than ever, but I guess now it can only get better. And you?_

-What? But you-

_-Don't worry about that. I... I think this time it's definitely done._

-Oh Mingyu... I'm sorry.

_-Hey! What did I tell you about that? Stop being sorry for things you're not responsible for. And- HEY ASSHOLE! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE?! Oh sorry a driver cut me off. Are you going to class?_

Throwing a look at Junhui almost drooling on his shoulder, Wonwoo giggles and focuses on his phone call again.

-We were supposed to drop by the library but I guess I'll directly come to university. Jun is- Oh wait... you haven't seen each other since that... what happened, right? Maybe it's not a good idea we should-

_-Oh no don't worry. I'll be able to apologize, he surely felt responsible of what happened._

-Oh. Then... we're arriving in a few minutes, probably right after you. See you at the parking lot?

_-Mmh._

Approaching the stop they're supposed to get off the bus, Wonwoo gently shakes his friend's shoulder and watches the "kitten awakening" show. Junhui closes his eyes harder, lets out a small grunt, stretches his arms, eyes still closed -Wonwoo just has the time to catch up the book before it falls on the floor. Yawning while cracking his shoulder blades, Junhui's eyes slowly open, discovering the world around him, reconnecting to reality.

-We're arriving, hurry up.

-But the library?

His voice is high-pitched from sleepiness, which makes Wonwoo chuckle as he passes above him to make his way to the exit, giving him his book back by the way.

-The library Won!

-You'll go another time, come on.

Pouting like a child, Junhui sneaks between the standing persons and hopefully gets out of the bus before the doors close. He follows his friend who is already walking a bit too fast to the parking lot for someone who is fully on time. Jogging to catch him up, he catches his wrist, still half-asleep, and tries to make him slow down. He thought he wouldn't obey, but Wonwoo suddenly stops in the middle of the road and takes his friend by the shoulders.

-Listen Jun. We... hum. We're gonna see Mingyu. You know? That guy you... well that guy you kissed, there's not other way to say it. We... hum... oh fuck just come with me.

Utterly confused, Junhui has no other choice than follow his friend when he drags him by the wrist to a grey sport car outside which a tall guy is standing, arms crossed, looking on his feet. When they're close enough, he turns the head and smiles to Wonwoo, but it slightly fades when his eyes fall on Junhui. Oh. There he is. He recognizes him. Shit.

-Wonwoo what-

-Shut up.

That's  _so_  awkward. They're standing in front of each other, Wonwoo's special weird smile stuck on his face, Mingyu not knowing who to look at, Junhui staring at him with widely opened eyes. Mingyu finally sees how Wonwoo is holding him and his mouth slightly opens before he looks at Wonwoo, who immediately understands and lets go of his grip, furiously blushing.

-Oh no we're not-

-No we're not! We tried once but- OUTCH. Okay okay I shut up okay.

Rubbing his arm where Wonwoo hit him, Junhui suddenly feels the importance of the situation. It's an opportunity to test what he read in the books. Clearing his throat, a wave of shame suddenly hits him and he loses all the confidence he thought having. Mingyu and Wonwoo both look at him, waiting, patiently.

-I'm... hum. I- I want to apologize. Sincerely. I've been irresponsible, and if I gave a bit more attention I'd have seen who you are and not done it. I'm sorry.

His heart is beating so fast. It almost hurts. He can hear it all the way to his head, tapping again and again. He bows deeply, not knowing what else to do, and quickly runs away. Mingyu calls for him. He doesn't stop.

_It's time to assume the consequences of your acts Junhui._

~

-Junhui wait!

Almost by instinct, almost naturally, Wonwoo's fingers curl around Mingyu's wrist when he's about to run after Jun. When he gives him an interrogative look, Wonwoo shrugs.

-I think it's better to let him. He's making a lot of efforts recently, we can't ask him more. I mean... a mature conversation about his behavior is maybe not the best thing. Not yet.

Arching an eyebrow, Mingyu's eyes switch from the building entry to Wonwoo a few times.

-But... I wanted to tell him to not blame himself about it. Because I don't. It was my entire fault, and anyway the question is closed.

Wonwoo can see how much the last sentence takes him to say.  _Closed._ That means a lot. That could mean a lot, but right know it only is the reflection of how much Mingyu musts be suffering. When he realizes he's still holding his wrist, he slowly unhooks his fingers, taking them back from the warm and soft skin.

-Sorry. I hope it didn't hurt you.

Not answering, Mingyu opens the door of his car to take his backpack and leaves to the building, throwing a look at Wonwoo, waiting for him to follow.

-I'm used to it.

~

-Jun? Are you here?

Jeonghan's voice resonates in the restroom. There's only one door closed, and he knows for sure he didn't see badly when a running grey head entered in his visual field to take refuge in the room. A mumble is the only answer that he's given, and when his boyfriend enters, questions painted all over his face, Jeonghan silences him with a finger on his lips and reaches for his hand.

-Junnie are you okay?

-I'm busy.

-In a toilet cabin?

-I don't want to get out.

-Even if I offered you some snacks?

-I'm not a kid Jeonghan.

-Your favorite ones?

The door slowly opens with a squeak, Junhui appearing, staring at Jisoo and Jeonghan, pouting. Jisoo is about to ask him if something happened when the main door opens too, Wonwoo entering the restroom.

-Oh so that's where you've been hiding.

-Where else do you want me to hide? We're in a fucking school, there's not many hideouts, and I had no other choice than taking the first one offering to me since you literally made me face the boy I had cheating on his boyfriend with no warning. Thank you Wonwoo! Thank you very much! Next time, send an invitation card, light signals, a messenger pigeon or I don't know what the fuck else but- you know what? Fuck it I'm leaving.

-Ju-

The door is slammed, Junhui being nothing more than a gale. They never fought before. Wonwoo is about to run after him when Jeonghan stops him, a hand on his shoulder.

-Don't. I think he needs a bit of time on his own.

It feels like déjà vu. Someone asking someone else to leave Junhui alone. Wonwoo can't resist and lets his head fall down. Did he break something between them? Seeing his decomposed face, Jisoo pats his other shoulder with a comforting smile.

-Knowing him, he won't stay angry for long, don't worry.

-I'm supposed to be the one who knows how to act with him... I feel like messing everything around me these days.

The couple wraps an arm around his shoulders from both side and drags him to the exit. "Tell us what's happening."

 _Shit, I'm trapped_.

~

When did the library become his refuge? He doesn't have any clue. But when he was looking for a place, other than home, where he could soothe his emotions, his feet dragged him here naturally. The part-time workers of course aren't there at this early time of the day, but Soonyoung welcomes him with an embarrassed smile when they meet between the Japanese and Chinese literature shelves.

-Didn't know you were a reader.

-Me neither.

After shrugging, Junhui's heart tightens when Soonyoung gets away, a pile of French romans in the arms. They used to be closer. Even friends. He doesn't know if he's nostalgic because it's not the case anymore, or the fact that if they're not it's because he broke up with Wonwoo. He acted jokingly about the situation, trying his best to light up his Wonwoo's mood, but it was actually hard seeing his best friend loosing a part of himself. Because that's what Soonyoung was to him. Wonwoo wasn't really Wonwoo without Soonyoung.

But he's not here to think about Wonwoo, far from it. Clenching his fists, he chooses a new book and forgets his anger to take it. Hopefully there's not many people in the reading room and he finds a place easily, ready to evacuate his mind from negative thoughts and wander in another universe. That's a success, he forgets everything and flies to action, adventure and suspense. No love, no cheating, no confrontation. At some point, he senses someone sitting in front of him, but doesn't esteem necessary to look up and continues on reading.

-Seems like you're skipping too.

Someone is talking to him. Crap. Okay how to exit? Junhui quickly reconnects to reality and finally puts his book down. He can't help but widen his eyes when they meet Minghao's ones, slumped on the chair in front of him. His face is colder than ever, but why is he there? He could've avoided him, but he is right there, engaging the conversation. Junhui opens his mouth, closes it again, turns the words in his mouth, tastes them.

-You like this place so much you need to come even when you're not working?

-I'd rather say it's the only place I'm not feeling as bad as class. Oh you finished it?

He doesn't want to talk about the reason of his presence. If he came, it was to avoid Mingyu and his sad eyes, to think about something else, no need to turn the knife in the wound. He points at the book next to Junhui who raises an eyebrow before taking it with a shy smile.

-Yes, I... huh, I finished it last night.

-Great, that makes a conversation topic. Come, I need a coffee.

Not letting him time to answer, Minghao already leaves, not seeing Junhui's precipitation to take his stuff and running after him. When they're about to leave the building, the eldest stops, imitated one second late by Minghao who raises an interrogative eyebrow when he turns to him. Jun shows the book he was reading, slightly blushing. Since when is he so easily intimidated?

-I didn't borrow it. I can't take it like that, right?

He sighs. Nodding, he's about to catch his wrist to drag him to the loaning desk when a trigger bell rings in his mind. That's exactly how he lost Mingyu, acting rude and abrupt. So instead, he just extends his hands with a thin smile.

-Give it, wait for me a second and I'll be back. Oh and give me the one you don't need anymore too.

It takes him a second of hesitation to hand him his treasure. When he looks at him going back to the inside of the building with large steps, perched on his long legs, his long coat flying behind him like a cape, hair stroked by the air due to his fast walking, Junhui feels something wrong. Something  _is_ wrong. His observation is biased. He shouldn't look at Minghao this way. He shouldn't feel excited and nervous at the idea of hanging out with him. Instinctively raising a hand to his cheekbone, where the almost faded purple-green stain is covered with makeup, where Minghao's fist hit him almost two weeks ago, Junhui's stomach twists. Stop. He kissed his boyfriend. Minghao wanted to beat him, maybe kill him. They broke up because of him. There's nothing to be excited about.

When he comes back, a few breaths later, Minghao finds Junhui looking lost in the middle of the lobby. He looks up at his arrival, something different in his eyes, lips closed as a thin line. He hands him his book, which Junhui takes slowly, cautiously, that weird expression still on his face.

-You okay? If you don't want to come I can-

-No. No it's okay. Let's go.

Their way to who-knows-where-Minghao-is-taking-him is silent. But Wen Junhui is not the kind of person to hush. Being silent is not in his list of capacity and he feels the urge to say something, to feel like everything is normal, that he's just hanging out with a new  _friend_ who he will learn to know better,  _friendly._

-You've been working at the library for long?

Taken aback, Minghao slows down his pace for a second, rushed by the other passers-by on the  sidewalk, catches up to Junhui, looks to the cloudy sky, wondering. His dark eyes perfectly reflects the grey tone, shining, sparkling. Junhui shakes his head. Focus on what he says. He needs to focus on what he says.

-One year I'd say? Since I've been fired from the restaurant I was working at. Almost burnt the kitchens.

He shrugs and fastens up the pace, forcing his companion to jog for a few steps, still tightening his precious new book against his chest.

-Where are we going exactly?

-To a friend's coffee shop. No need to pay.

The rest of their haul is spent silently, despite Junhui's terrible need to say something, anything that could distract him from staring at Minghao. Let's not forget that he initially went to the library to see him, before the incident with Mingyu that compromised a bit his plans. But there's something, something in the way Minghao's look lands on the world, something in the way his feet skim the asphalt, something in the way he seems to be floating, above everything else. His shoulders smoothly turn and adapt to the people around to slide between them, just like a dance, his boots twist, his eyes are in constant movement, detailing the light panels, staring at some persons in the street, a few times resting on Junhui for a short, tiny instant, assuring himself that he's still following. All of that gives this unwanted taste of an emotion Junhui wants to avoid. The eldest blushes, looks away, bumps in people sometimes, tightens his grip on the book, curses himself inwardly. They're only walking in the street, what will it be when they'll face each other and have a real conversation? What is he even doing here? He shouldn't have got angry against Wonwoo, he shouldn't have left school. If he didn't, these fucking flutterings wouldn't be there. Crap.

-It's here. Look for a place, I'll go get us some drinks. Coffee?

He can't help but nod as a whole new world offers to him. Minghao leaves him in awe in the lobby, flying to the counter. The place is all in wood, dark but so warm and welcoming. The walls are covered with endless shelving of books. Huge armchairs of many colors are waiting to be sit on, the tables are either tires covered with planks or barrels. It takes him a few seconds to realize Minghao asked him something, and makes his way to a red armchair with black pieces of sewn clothe on it. Junhui waits, still discovering that magic place he never heard of, his mouth opened in an amazed smile.

-Two coffees please.

-Hi dearest roommate -Hansol can you prepare mister's order please? How are you? I hope you slept well because I can't know since you left home too early and didn't think it could've been nice to say hello.

Minghao elbows at the bar, taking place on a stool. Letting out an amused sigh, he looks at Seokmin's bright smile. He can't be angry. Angriness isn't a word or an emotion he knows.

-I'm fine thanks. How are you? I was... in a hurry, sorry.

-What you say.

Hansol puts down the two fuming cups in front of him and goes back on washing the dishes.

-You're not working at the car wash today?

-It's closed.

Oh. Minghao's heart skips a beat.

-Just for today.

And starts again, normally. He lets out a relieved sigh but startles when a head pops up from behind the counter. The short guy quietly picks up a bag on the floor, pour himself a cardboard cup of coffee, not paying attention to anyone. But Seokmin still turns to him with a small grin.

-You've got classes? Wait aren't you forgetting something?

It's only when he's about to leave that Jihoon looks up with a surprised expression. Forgetting something? He pats his pockets ; phone, keys, purse. He shakes the head and Seokmin catches his wrist, pulling him closer. Leaning forward, he steals him a tiny kiss and smiles, chasing his blushing boyfriend away, before finally coming back to Minghao who looks fully disgusted. Seokmin's lips slightly fall down as he shakes the head.

-Come one, don't make such a face mister I-make-out-everywhere-and-can't-accept-a-single-affetion-gesture. Don't make whoever this second coffee is for wait. Get away from my sight, you ungrateful friend.

Time to go back to Junhui. A sincere hope that he didn't have to wait for too long runs in Minghao's veins. Unusual for someone who used to not care about these kind of details. He can't help but smile when he comes back and discovers Junhui looking around him like a child, eyes sparkling with admiration, fingers nervously fiddling the bottom of his shirt.

-Hey.

~

The apartment seems empty from life. With a loud sigh, Wonwoo throws his shoes next to the door and shuffles to the living room. Where is he? Everyone told him to not worry about Junhui, but now that he's home, in the evening, and that no one's there, he can't avoid the slight fear in his heart. He's about to throw himself on the sofa when he sees his friend quietly reading, surrounded by cats, sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the sofa. Finally. Relieved, Wonwoo bypasses the couch and sits in front of Junhui, guilt painted all over his face.

-Hey. I'm... I'm sorry for what I did Jun.

The grey-haired boy looks up, disdainful for a second, reads one last line of his book and finally puts it down. Bringing his knees against his chest, he gives his friend a tiny smile, still walled in silence.

-I... I know you better than that Junnie, I should've known it wasn't a good idea, it's obvious, I've just been dumb and... and I thought it could arrange things but it didn't and maybe I only make them worse and know you're mad at me and-

-Hey, slow down. Breathe in. It's okay... I guess. I've been angry, yes, but it's in part because of how I am and not because of you. That's one of the things I need to learn how to deal with. You've made a mistake, but initially I was the one who did one. We're even now.

He could cry from how relieved he is. He really thought that he broke something  between them,  but the genuine smile Junhui offers him is enough to make his doubts crash and fade. "So what did you do today?" The smile turns embarrassed in a second, and Junhui's palm stroking Hoshi's fur seems to tense. He looks down, clears his throat, mumbles. "I had a drink with someone" Why is he so nervous suddenly? "Who? Who did you have a drink with? Junnie?" Hiding his face against Hoshi's belly, the grumble is almost inaudible. The cat struggles to free herself, disturbed by her owner's mouth and escapes just when Junhui spills the name, eyes closed as if he wanted it to be a dream, to be fake. "Minghao" The genuine smile turns tense and reluctant as Wonwoo's mouth falls open. But before he can even ask anything else, Junhui straightens up, a mischievous glimpse at the back of his dark eyes. He won't get trapped in an questioning. 

-But tell me, how is it that you're close to Mingyu?

~

At some point, it seems like Wonwoo becomes his anchor point. The more he gets used to have him around, the less Mingyu feels the pain. He drowned for days, that's true. But Wonwoo threw  him a lifeline, reached for his hand. The more time they spend together, the more Mingyu noticed the tiny details of Wonwoo, those things that never fail to make him smile. His slight straightening everytime someone pronounces the word "cat", the way he fiddles his backpack straps when he's nervous or uncomfortable, the furious blushing whenever he apologies for something he isn't responsible. And so many other things. Sometimes, Mingyu is scared of how precise his observation is. He is scared of how much better he feels when Wonwoo is with him. Scared of how happy he is whenever they meet or how shy he feels when Wonwoo's eyes land on him, with that terrible softness of him.

And at some point, he stopped feeling that unbearable, wrenching pain whenever he sees Minghao. Maybe is it because the sorrow disappeared in his eyes, maybe is it because he doesn't feel his whole body burning to touch him, to reach for him anymore.

"Hey" The first time they talked to each other again, after exactly nine days, this small word, these three short letters hurt so much that he felt like his throat was set on fire. He had to hold back his tears, and he gave Minghao the tiniest smile he could. Maybe it didn't even look like a smile, who knows. Later that day, Wonwoo listened to him talking about how painful it has been, offered him that comforting smile he knows how to do so well. There was his hand, too. They can be in his car, at the cafeteria, at the coffee shop, or just walking, his hand is always there. Not obviously opened for him, but present. He knows he would just have to reach for it, he knows he would just have to make a simple gesture, and their hands could be in each other. Mingyu doesn't exactly knows what it means, if he's supposed to read through that presence, to detect an intention in it. But he knows  _Wonwoo_ 's hand is there for him. Maybe Wonwoo in his whole.

Even if most of the time he is the one speaking about his feelings, Wonwoo sometimes opens to him too. He can see the miss in his eyes. The way he carefully pronounces Soonyoung's name, as if he was afraid that a lack of precaution could cause his definitive lost. He hasn't seen him again. Hasn't talked to him. "I'm not ready. Not yet. I would mess everything up" He's struggling. That's obvious. Struggling to untangle the mess his feelings are forming. He said it many times, he still doesn't know if he was in love or not. Because "I don't think I know what love really is". And Mingyu is kind of relieved for him. He would like to say that  _he_ knows it wasn't love. Because  _he_ knows what love makes feel like, and he knows how it destroys too. He realized it that night, alone in his car after Minghao left, he realized it was love. But it's not about him. No one feels love the same way. It's Wonwoo and his own feelings, his own way to sense things. So Mingyu nods, shrugs, gives his opinion, still a few steps away, comforts. And he looks at Wonwoo's fingers, tapping the table or his own thigh, managing an overflow. He would like to do like him, giving him a slight demonstration of presence. But he doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't want to do something he doesn't know the meaning of. He doesn't want to take his hand, clutch his fingers to tell him everything's gonna be okay and realize how involved he is.

-We could have a drink tonight. After my shift. What do you think?

Wonwoo looks up from his physic book, eyes slightly red from his lack of sleep, glasses sliding on his nose tip. Mingyu himself is surprised. It came out naturally. They never hung out at night. Everything's different when the sun is sleeping. Shadows stretch out, minds lighten, people change. But Wonwoo nods, smiles while yawning and goes back to Newton and his laws. Holding back his cheeks from turning red, Mingyu dives in the battlefield of the Trojan war, satisfied of his spontaneity, but scared of his own contradiction.

May Ares protect him tonight.

~

-There's no way I'm wearing that. Wen Junhui put that lace shirt down  _immediately._

With a disappointed pout, the young man hangs up the hanger again. Where does he even take that out from? Rummaging through his own closet, Jun looks at his friend from afar, detailing him like the stylist he is absolutely not.

-That's the first time I'm sending my best friend to a date, let me take care of you!

Letting out a teenager-like scream of frustration, Wonwoo hides his face to not let Junhui sees his red face.

-For the thousandth time, IT'S NOT A DATE! You know what? I'm just putting on a sweater and that's it.

Horrified, Junhui catches his wrist before he can escape to his own bedroom. Staring one last time, the bulb suddenly lights up above his head and a smile stretches his lips as he rushes to his closet. Coming back, he hands Wonwoo a maroon blazer and a black turtle neck.

-Put that on, at least. This color looks good on you according to your skin tone.

-Don't act like you know anything about fashion Jun. But thanks. I guess. And... it's not a date okay?

The eldest nods, satisfaction painted all over his face, a vicious grin stretching the corner of his mouth. He chases his roommate away and closes the door before sitting on his bed, staring at his closet with despair.

-Okay but... what am  _I_ gonna wear?

~

-Something tells me that grin isn't just because you love serving all these drunk dumbasses and your pretty, awesome, wonderful best friend.

-I'm busy Seungkwan. You look like an old man, elbowed at the bar with your whiskey. Is that whiskey? I'm pretty sure I didn't give you any whiskey. Why don't you go around to see if there's people you know?

Seungkwan takes a sip of his strong, manly drinking, -that is actually nothing more than ice tea poured in a whiskey glass, and looks at his friend activating to prepare all the orders, giving social smiles all the way. Smiling is Mingyu's speciality. If there was a job consisting on smiling non-stop, Kim Mingyu would've been made for that. And tonight he would've won the best employee award for that excessively huge grinning.

-I think I saw Hansol over there, you should come and talk to him.

Amused, Mingyu looks at Seungkwan checking the bar behind him with panic all over his face. When the blue head finally turns to him, he could shiver from how jaded the look he throws him is. Chuckling, he goes to a man calling him to take an order, letting his friend alone.

One hour later, it's when he sees Mingyu hurriedly taking his apron off, his eyes lighting up when he looks at the entry, that Seungkwan understands why the smile was so big tonight. Turning to look in the same direction, he sees a man approaching, seeming a bit lost, making his way through the crowd, approaching the counter with shy steps. "Okay now I understand he's pretty- Oh." Mingyu already disappeared.

~

-OUTCH

-Shhhh!

-Don't tell me you were sleeping?

-I wasn't.

-You were.

-No

-Y-

-Shhhh!

If Junhui's hand on his forearm didn't stop him, Minghao would've yelled at the public. Instead, he sharply frees his arm to throw him a reprimanding look. But Jun's sleepy face makes it fade immediately and a smile naturally stretches his lips. He leans to him, resting a hand on his shoulder, "Let's get away, it's boring" he whispers before catching his hand to escape that drowsy event.

He thought assisting to a Chinese readout at the library was actually a good idea. But Minghao understands it starts being good only when they run through the middle-aged crowd under angry looks to run away. With time, he got used to Junhui. He got used to his lame jokes, to his blushing whenever he smiles at him, to his never-ending will to please him. It could almost make him forget how bad he was feeling a few days ago, it could almost make him forget Mingyu.

They end up in the cold night air, bursting out laughing, having to lean on the building walls to manage their laughters. Junhui holds his stomach, his clear jingle evaporating in the night. Minghao leans his head against the wall, closing the eyes to enjoy how pure and simple the moment is. It's only when Jun straightens up that they realize they're still holding hands. Just for a second, they make the contact last. It could be an hallucination, but Junhui's thumb caresses the back of Minghao's hand. And right after, their arms fall back in place.

The fresh air could make them a bit tipsy, drunk with laughters and mist, but it actually cools their heads in a finger snap. The summary of the last weeks plays in their heads. Minghao looks at Junhui's dark eyes reflecting the moon, looking at him with what he refused to see for days. Two stars underlined by his smile, that smile he got to like so much in such a short gap of time. He's not frustrated to have to look up to meet his eyes like he used to. He's not annoyed of this boy's presence in his life anymore. Because Junhui became a part of his daily life. "Can I ask you something?" He nods. Despite the darkness, it's easy to see the pink tint adorning his cheeks. He's about to talk but Minghao cuts him off. "I'm not ready yet." Junhui's mouth closes. There's no disappointment as he thought there would be in his glance. He just quietly nods, looks up to the constellations for a second, and meets his eyes again. "But just to know, what if I kissed you, right now? What would it do if I kissed you right under the stars?" He feels his ears reddening. He didn't realize he was walking backwards. His back gently hits the granite wall. "It would be great, I guess." he whispers in a breath. Junhui nods, his smile getting bigger, and he engulfes his hands in the pockets of his jeans, getting away in the empty street, hopping. Minghao catches up on him, not able to hide his own smile.

_Yeah, that would definitely be great._

_~_

That's actually pretty hard to stop smiling like an idiot. But the alcohol running through his veins isn't helping. And the one flowing in Wonwoo, making him talk more than usual and his cheeks redden, either. Unless it's not because of the fourth drink he's peacefully sipping on. It has been a long time since Mingyu felt so nervous. But Wonwoo talking about his cats, about how bad his chemistry teacher is, about how he discovered his hobby for videogames, all of that is making him feel so... fine. He could listen to him four hours, and it wouldn't bother him. That is what terrifies him. The attachment. The naturalness of that night, of their conversation, of them being together. He doesn't hear the noise around him, there's just Wonwoo, his tired eyes, and no one else. He would like to tell him to go home, to sleep for hours and hours, but he's egoistic. He wants Wonwoo to stay with him until dawn, to talk to him about how ridiculously small his bathroom is and how uncomfortable it is to brush his teeth with Junhui in the same room.

-Mingyu? Mingyu? Hey Gyu... do you want another drink?

It's late. They will probably be kicked out of the bar soon. And Mingyu looks so tired. He would like to send him home, to tell him to sleep for the whole weekend, to take care of him.  _He_  would like to take care of him. But he's egoistic and he just can't say what he really wants, fearing to make him run away. Wonwoo wants Mingyu to stay with him.  _Oh god, have I been the only one talking?_ That would mean he's either completely drunk or terribly nervous. Because that smile rolling above Mingyu's teeth when he looks at him, it actually makes his heart flutter more than it should. Pulled out of his dreams, Mingyu widens the eyes and straightens up, obviously realizing he was away for a moment. He nods hurriedly and offers Wonwoo an apologetic smile. Getting up, he takes their two empty glasses and makes his way through the crowd to reach the counter. After ordering, Wonwoo rubs his face. It's not the moment to flinch. He needs to resist to Mingyu. They're friends. Nothing else. He's just supposed to be his moral support, to help him get through what he partly threw him in. Help him to heal from his breakup. He is  _not_  supposed to fall in love. That would be a disaster, a calamity. And Mingyu is supposed to help him being able to look at Soonyoung in the eyes again without being drowned in a tsunami of memories. Not charm him with every single thing that makes him who he is. 

Speaking of Soonyoung, a burst of laughter makes him turn the head. Oh. He's there, with Chan. It's too late to run away. He's coming. Even forcing himself, Wonwoo can't smile. But Soonyoung can. He can show him that adorable smile he liked for so many years, he couldn't live without seeing for more than a day. Sorrow floods his veins in a finger snap. Crap. He's frozen. "Hey", "Hi". That's the most he can do. At least, he looks embarassed, which comforts Wonwoo a bit. More words would probably make his throat ache. His throat or his heart? He doesn't know. That's awkward. Why did he come if it was to not say anything? Wonwoo would like to take the glasses waiting for him on the counter and run away. He would like to flee to Mingyu. Instead, he just stays there, his heart tightening more and more as the seconds pass. "How are you..." Doing? Bad, right now. Feeling? Hurt, still. Living without him? Not as horribly as he thought he would.  Dealing with his absence? By replacing him. No. That's not a replacement. Mingyu is nothing but a substitution to Soonyoung. Mingyu is Mingyu. And it hits him. Really hard. Wonwoo thought he was transfering his feelings on Mingyu, he was leaning on him to forget Soonyoung, to erase him, and that because of the erasure he inevitably had to put the feelings on someone else. But it's not true. What he feels when Mingyu smiles, when Mingyu listens to him, when Mingyu is with him, that's brand new.

He startles violently when an arm wraps around his shoulders. The sudden appearance of Mingyu obviously surprises Soonyoung too, who looks up, eyes widened. "You okay?" Mingyu's voice sounds different when he drinks. When he's worried. Wonwoo nods. The warmth shrouding him makes the sadness step back. With his free hand, Mingyu picks up the glasses, offers a smile to Soonyoung, and he drags Wonwoo back to their seats. He's still a bit rattled when he sits, Mingyu looking at him with a mix of amusement and care in his eyes while taking a sip of his drink.

-Thank you. For... that.

Crossing the invisible barrier between them, that thin line they never talked about, Mingyu reaches for his hand, on the table, and gently pats it, that soft smile stuck on his face. For a second, for the shortest infinity Wonwoo never lived, he's tempted to intertwine their fingers. He's tempted to show what he can't put words on. And it tightens his throat. That want, that wish, that dream. But it's not a dream. He's not sleeping. It's reality, it's the real world and he does it. He lets temptation take on him. Mingyu's hand freezes for a second, under Wonwoo's stunned look, but the next one, it melts, merges with his, their fingers finding themselves. Wonwoo can't see his smile, too focused on the link between them.

But Mingyu smiles and their hands get used to each other and the  _real_  world continues on spinning and Wonwoo smiles too.


	4. Chapter 4

His heart beated crazily long after he went home. It seems like the hurricane is a bit calmed now, but the smile on his face is still there. He can't, and don't want to take it back. "That would be great, I guess" He didn't expect that answer. To be honest, for a second he hoped Minghao would reject him, so that he could forget every glimpse of dream that has been living in his heart for days. Because he still thinks it's a bad idea. A worst-case scenario. What a dumb idea to go to that stupid library. Stupid Wen Junhui. Stupid Xu Minghao. What a dumb idea to get closer to him after what he did. "That would be great, I guess" Don't hope too much, Junhui.

Don't fly too close of the sun, Icarus.

~

Seeing Jihoon sleeping with his head resting on Seokmin's lap, the couple cuddling on the couch, would usually cool down his head and calm him. Not that he would like it, but it would make him cringe and lock himself in his room to do anything to avoid anything related to any allusion of romantism. But tonight, now that he's actually alone, after wishing Seokmin a good night, his heart continues on running a marathon. "But just to know, what if I kissed you, right now? What would it do if I kissed you right under the stars?" Minghao has never been the type of person to like that kind of declaration, revelation, or whatever people call that, but he can't keep off his mind the impact it had on his heart when he heard that.

Something hit him when they were outside together. When Junhui was there, laughing, his skin glowing under the moonlight. He took his hand. Not his wrist, not his arm, his hand. And that is something important for Minghao. Maybe he's finally changing, not _for_ someone but naturally, _thanks to_ someone. It made him want to kiss him. When he asked him that, when he mentioned the existence of his feelings, Minghao wanted to kiss him. But it's true, he's not really ready. He still needs to clean up his feelings.

He needs to move on before giving Junhui what he deserves.

~

And at some point, he does. He's able to realize there's enough place for him in his life the day Minghao doesn't need to ask Junhui what he wants to drink anymore. That's a small, tiny, insignificant detail, but knowing he always drinks a caramel cappuccino with three sugars, and a peach iced tea right after pulls a trigger in his mind. _You became really familiar_. And just like that, he understands he's ready. And most of all, he wants to be ready. They spent enough time together for him to know a lot of things that make Junhui who he is, and they spent enough time together for him to like these things.

-I need to clean my car. Wanna come to the car wash with me?

Junhui looks surprised when he looks up from the seventh roman he's read recently, but he nods and packs his stuff. He didn't even know he had a car. But when he follows him behind the coffee shop, in an alleyway, he discovers a red pick-up, shiny and polished. Far from looking dirty. But Junhui hushes. He got used to Minghao's mysteries and strange requests. Climbing at the passenger seat, he's amused to see how careful he acts. Throwing him a look to assure he put his seatbelt on, he touches the steering wheel as if it was a treasure. He's calm, peaceful when he drives. Not like Seungcheol, who's the kind of person who thinks he is the priority on the road, and everyone else should let him do what he wants, at the risk of getting insulted. He drives in silence, some jazz music playing, and it's perfect just like that. With time, Junhui tamed the silence. The one he shares with Minghao. It's not a burden anymore as it used to. He feels himself changing in his company, slowly, gently becoming maybe a bit better. Junhui rolls the window down and lets the wind stroke his hair, closing the eyes to enjoy the freshness. He can't see it, but Minghao smiles at this calming view. The grey streaks being blowed backwards, the peaceful smile stretching his smile. Minghao's stomach is full of knots, nervousness slowly clinging on him. He needs to go there. Of course it will remind him of Mingyu, there's no doubt about it. Of course his heart will tighten when the rainbow soap will shroud them in the dark. But it will also comfort him. He knows he's ready. He knows he waited long enough to, at least precariously, cover the scar on his heart. A thin band-aid, put there in the wait of a better bandage. He just needs a boost to help him have he bravery to risk wresting it.

Hansol is there. He waves at them when showing the tunnel they can use, and a slight surprise paints in his chocolate eyes when he sees Junhui. But of course he can't understand why. Of course Junhui can't know how important this place is, how many things happened here, how precious it is in Minghao's heart. Rolling up the window, he takes a lollipop out his pocket and engulfs it in his mouth, admiring the multitude of colors covering the windscreen. It's his first time in a car wash, and he feels like a child, amazed by the show. Unbuckling his seat belt, Minghao installs himself more comfortably to look at Jun, innocently eating his candy. How can he begin? How can he do it? During the two weeks that passed since Junhui's question under the stars, he acted as if nothing happened. Playing the fool when Junhui looked at him with sparkly eyes, full of wishes, faking to not see the tiny gestures he did towards him. A hand a bit too close from him to be just a casual position, a smile that lasts a bit too long, the delicacy when he hands him a book. He ignored all of that, trying his best to untangle the knots of his feelings, preparing himself for this day. But now that he's there, he doesn't know what to do. What to say, how to move to show his intentions. So he just points at the candy.

-What's that?

He loves when his eyes widen like that. His whole face lights up, eyebrows flying up his forehead, the corners of his lips slightly falling down. Taking the sweet out, he looks at the industrial red color, as if he was also reminding himself what it was. But when he turns the head to Minghao, a grin stretches his lips, something new in his eyes.

-Sorry I've only got one. But you can taste it if you want.

Taken aback, a rush of stress flocking his veins, Minghao gets back in his seat, focusing on the bubbles in front of him. "Gross. Disgusting." he whispers. The sound of water spraying against the bodywork buzzes, fills in his mind, chases his doubts away, makes the stress step back, letting only place for his confidence.

-I'd rather have a kiss instead.

He could almost hear Junhui's heart stop beating. Or maybe it's his. Fire is already invading his ears, slowly coming to his whole face. Since when is he shy? _Since you met him_. When he turns the head, not caring about his reddened cheeks, he sees Junhui carefully wrapping his candy back and put it with delicate gestures in the cup holder. There isn't anything describable in his eyes. Minghao can't quiet get what he should understand in that gaze. Jun's face is neutral, no smile, no rosy tint on his cheekbones, no embarrassment nor amusement in his feline eyes. Pain in own his chest. Why? Junhui sticks their gazes together. Asking for permission. Understanding the pain is due to the throbbing of his heart, Minghao nods. Permission granted. It takes a few more seconds for Jun to move. But then, not shy, not hesitant, he slides a hand on Minghao's nape to pull him closer, tilts the head, and under the red, pink, purple, blue, green, yellow shadows, their lips meet.

It tastes like chemical cherry. Like something new. Like mint, the chewing-gum Minghao had earlier to calm himself. Coffee, too. Far, far away, something reminds Minghao of Mingyu. But it's too far, too blurred. He just wants to be with Junhui for now. His second hand comes cupping his face while he uses his own ones to push himself off his seat and then rummaging through the grey hair. It's even softer he thought it would be. Soft, just like the kiss. Soft, just like Junhui, right now. Soft, just like his heart fluttering, pain long forgotten. Maybe he'll have to pay for it once he'll realize what he did. But not now. He doesn't want anything to disturb them.

He never did anything like that. As the kiss deepens, as he discovers Minghao under the bubbling rainbow, Junhui realizes he's not the kind of person to do that. Or at least, he wasn't. One-night stands, flirting, loneliness. Deep, long, heavy solitude. But that, what they're doing, won't stop when the sun will reappear. He knows it. He knew it. And it terrifies him. He threw himself right in the unknown, at the battle front, with no weapon, no shield. The big jump. Minghao's skin is actually hundred times more soft he imagined it. Just like the black hair he's tickling on his nape. Just like his way to stroke his head, just like his way to press their lips together. Just like his way to ask for more, pushing himself closer.

 _Brrrr_.

Time to wake up. Time to let the sun rise again. Time to face reality. Water washes the bubbles away and the kiss ends. Minghao reinstalls himself in his seat, a bit panting, but a bright smile stretching his swollen lips. His hands are slightly shaking on the steering wheel, trying his best to focus on driving, and Junhui stroking his hair to put it back in place while chuckling doesn't help.

The engine whirrs, and everything changes.

~

For a second, Wonwoo's explanations about why gravity law is so big of a discovery disappear from his mind. Mingyu can't help but feeling his heart tighten, hurt a bit, when they pass in front of the car wash. His eyes drag for a moment on the tunnels and bubbles on the asphalt, leaving the road in front of him. He thought it would last only for a second, but then he sees the red pickup. There's thousands of red pickups, but he could recognize it between millions. The tiny frog plushy hanging behind the window. Everything starts spinning crazily around Mingyu. Pain floods his sight, blurs it.

-Mingyu? Mingyu! THE LIGHT'S RED BRAKE!

It was borderline. Wonwoo hopefully protects his head before it hits the dashboard, but Mingyu doesn't. He keeps his forehead on the steering wheel while Wonwoo shakes his shoulder, panic rolling on his tongue. "Hey are you okay? Mingyu? Gyu are you okay?" No, not really. Yes. He doesn't know. He doesn't know if the pain in his chest is due to the seatbelt retaining him or his heart. Horns don't last to resound behind his car and he has to come to his senses, leaving the pain behind him, ignoring Wonwoo's worried gaze. His hands shake on the steering wheel. He doesn't see the road well, tears blurring his sight. He's tired of crying. He thought he was done with it. When Wonwoo held his hand, two weeks earlier, he thought he was done with pain. He kind of let it behind him, not paying attention to it, but it obviously wasn't really far behind, ready to jump at his throat at the slightest second of inattention. The claws are tight on his neck. Pressing, sinking in his skin.

-Mingyu, park the car. You can't drive in that state.

He didn't realize the tears on his face. But now that Wonwoo says it, it burns. It settles in his skin, creates boiling grooves. At the first parking lot he finds, he obeys and as soon as the engine stops, Wonwoo leaves his seat to come to his side and opens the driver's door. Where are his glasses? Mingyu realizes they probably fell at the violent braking. The brown curls are a bit disheveled. And his eyes are full of worries. He gently slides his hands on his face to inspect it, lifting the hair to assure there's no wound. It's warm. It's soft. "What happened?" His voice is just a gentle melody. He's about to take his hands back but Mingyu holds them, puts them back in place.

-I'm sorry. It's harder than I thought. So much harder.

Misunderstanding paints in Wonwoo's eyes. Sadness, too. His fingers slowly caress Mingyu's skin. Day by day, he saw him struggle to get out of the pain trap he's been stuck in since the breakup. He reached for his hand, he helped him, but it's like he still has a foot tied to it. A heavy chain he's dragging with him. They just need to find the key, together, to finally free him. He feels like asking again what happened would destroy Mingyu's beautiful eyes, so Wonwoo just approaches and wraps his arms around his nape, pulling him closer in a hug. Tears slowly soak his shirt, Mingyu slowly relaxes in his arms, Wonwoo's entire body slowly warm up, his heart slowly tightens. "Someone once told me I shouldn't be sorry for things I'm not responsible for.", he whispers against his hair. Mingyu straightens up, arms still hooked around his waist, and he sticks their eyes together.

-But I am, though.

-Why? It's not your fault Mingyu, why would you be sorry?

There it is again. Sorrow. In his hazel eyes. But this time, it looks mixed. With what? Wonwoo can't tell. He shivers when Mingyu puts two fingers under his chin, a sad smile stretching his lips. Oh. He tugs him closer, their faces so close he can smell his perfume. "I'm sorry for not knowing if I'll be able to do this again." Wonwoo wasn't prepared for that. But it looks like his body was. The kiss melts perfectly, soft and slow, stealing his breathe away. Their mouths find each other and he can't help but feel that rush of happiness flooding his veins. He doesn't want to think about what Mingyu just said. Maybe it's their first and last kiss. He just wants to enjoy it, to cherish Mingyu, to show him how much he wants to take care of him.

The kiss leaves a bittersweet taste on his lips when Mingyu breaks it. He avoids his eyes for a moment, takes his arms back, looks at the steering wheel. One last caress on his cheek and Wonwoo erases any skin contact.

-You won't lose me Mingyu. Even if you can't, if it's not manageable for you. I'll still be there. I promised.

Nodding. That's all he can do. Overwhelmed with the pain he felt a few minutes ago and the ease that just invaded him, Mingyu is lost. They drown his mind, refusing to mix, like water and oil, confusing him even more. He bites his lips to hold back the tears. Wonwoo saw him crying enough times. At that right moment, he decides he won't cry again. Not until he can give him an answer. He wipes his tears and taps the seat next to him, sniffing to erase the last traces of sadness.

-Come on, we're gonna be late for school.

Wonwoo's hand is still there. Ready to welcome him, resting between the two seats. He doesn't say anything, just absently looks outside. It wouldn't mean anything, right? Mingyu holds it. He intertwines their fingers and gets a surprised look from Wonwoo, who's put back his glasses. But a smiles stretches his lips and he squeezes Mingyu's hand.

They stay like that for the whole way to university.

~

-Come on, what's that beaten dog look? You were way more smiley before, Gyu.

-Oh shut up please.

Seungkwan looks concerned. Mingyu hasn't stopped rummaging through his salad, not touching it.

-What about that guy you've had a date with the other day?

Letting his fork falling in the plate with a ringing, Mingyu straightens up the head to discover his friend's smirk.

-That was not a date.

-Date or not, I don't give a fuck, you're not answering my question.

Giving up on hiding the truth, he chooses to rely on his opinion, trusting their long friendship to be a help. Finally engulfing a leaf of lettuce to give himself courage, Mingyu mumbles :

-That's the problem. That's what everything turns around. I'd like to... I don't exactly know what but I feel like I'm not ready yet. I'm still haunted by... by Minghao. I didn't move on yet and it disturbs me a lot. This morning we almost had an accident because I saw Minghao's car at the car wash and right after I kissed him. Wonwoo, so. Not Minghao. Of course not. I mean... There must be something wrong with me. And-

He chose to ignore Seungkwan choking on his soda when he mentionned the accident and the kiss, but his friend waves a finger for him to wait, struggling to survive. Mingyu hushes, patiently waits for him to fully recover his life skills. Something sounds wrong in his mind, but he can't quiet put a finger on what exactly. After coughing crazily for a few seconds, Seungkwan clears his throat and points at Mingyu,

-So you're telling me you're not ready but you kissed him? What the fuck Mingyu? And you had an accident? Wait no, that's not the most important, you KISSED him?! Like with lips, and all that stuff? And you've got the audacity to say you're not ready?

Mingyu frowns. Looking around to assure himself no one heard his friend's exclamations, he focuses again. Maybe he's right. Maybe not. That's so complicated. Elbowing on the table, he hides his face in his palms. Why does it have to be so hard? Seungkwan's voice softens when he leans to catch his look.

-Mingyu... I can't quiet get what's in your heart right now, but I think if you kissed him it's because you wanted it, obviously. He seems to have a good impact on you. Maybe you don't have to be fully healed to be with him. He probably can help you. You've always been a perfectionist, in the need to achieve everything you started until the very end before starting something else. But I think you can do two things simultaneously. Heal and... well I don't know how far you want to go but be with him sounds good for a beginning.

Sometimes Boo Seungkwan can be the most precious asset Mingyu has in his pocket. And the most precious friend to his side.

~

-You WHAT?! Wait don't get away!

Junhui follows him in the bathroom, right on his steps, like a storm, while Wonwoo is perfectly calm. Ready to brush his teeth, already sleepy, Junhui rips his toothbrush out of his hands with an outraged look. Wonwoo shrugs.

-We were passing by the car wash when he lost focus on the road. I'm wondering if maybe he saw Minghao's car, he was completely devastated. And then he kissed- why are you blushing so hard Jun? Junnie?

Trying his best to not choke on his saliva, Junhui difficulty nods, clenching his jaw. The words struggle to get out as more and more blood floods his face.

-I... hum. Yes. It was Minghao's car. I- hum... we- hum. I was with him.

Quickly putting the toothbrush in the sink, he flees to his bedroom, but Wonwoo runs after him and forces him to turn. There's a sardonic but yet panicked glimpse in his eyes.

-Don't tell me you...? What?! Jun! Oh my god... so I almost died because you... okay it's time for this day to end.

Slamming the door closed, Wonwoo waits for a second, gathering all the informations in his mind. He hears Junhui throwing himself on his bed and yelling against the mattress. Wait. Wonwoo barges in the room, making his friend startle, and stands with widened eyes in front of the bed. "Wen Junhui. Does that mean you've got... a...boyfriend?" His face turning scarlet in a finger snap could stand as an answer, but Junhui gasping like a fish out of water adds even more meaning. "I... hum... NO! Of course not... but... I..." His phone buzzes, lost in the bedsheets, and after a quick check, his cheeks, as if it was even possible, turn more red and he hides his face against a cushion. "He wished me a good night..." A high-pitched tone, red letting place to pink on his cheeks, Wonwoo is fixed. A smile stretches his lips as he leaves the room. Before disappearing, he winks at Jun. "You should respond."

Things seem to get faster between them. Kinda unexpected when considering Minghao almost wanted to kill Junhui. He just hopes it will last and not hurt his friend. He can't help but be scared. He saw how Mingyu ended after his relationship with Minghao. He saw how destroyed he was. He saw what it did to him.

Oh. God. What will happen when he'll know for Minghao and Junhui? Wonwoo fears the worst.

~

" _Can you meet me at the parking lot after school?"_

He usually doesn't ask. But he has to be sure Wonwoo will come. He has to be sure his plans won't drown. If he doesn't do it now, today, he doesn't know if he'll be able to act later.

He almost gave up when he met Minghao in the restroom. There was a smirk not letting his lips rest. He knows it. He knows what it means. He saw the sparkles in his eyes when their gazes met through the mirrors. "Hi.", "Hey." He wanted to ask how he was. Wanted to know if he was at the car wash yesterday, perfectly knowing the answer. Wanted to assure he's happy. But he hushed, because the smile was enough. He didn't need more. Even if his heart tightened, hurt, burned, he hushed. Seeing him able to smile was a big step to his own recovery. And it consolidated him in his idea.

Wonwoo looks confused when he enters his car. His glasses are on top of his head, the curls tangled in it. He probably slept in class, his eyes are still sleepy, a cheek a bit reddened. But his tiny smile completes on making Mingyu's heart flutter, on engraving his will in mind.

-Is everything okay?

-Does it mind if we go for a walk? I mean... with the car but...

-No problem.

This time, once the engine hums, Mingyu is the one to let his hand between them. Wonwoo doesn't make long to take it, the contact still so comfortable and warm. At the second turning point, their fingers are intertwined and he feels Wonwoo's thumb caressing the back of his hand, tickling, melting.

-How was your day?

-I saw Minghao.

-Oh. And...

-I'm okay. I'm happy he is. Because it means a lot to me. Maybe you already know but... I saw him yesterday too. That's why I almost killed us. And yeah hum... sorry 'bout that.

With a chuckle that makes Mingyu's whole body shiver, Wonwoo shrugs, clutching his fingers a bit more. "I kind of guessed it." He can't tell him. It's not his role. Or is it? How can he explain that his best friend, who is also the man that had him cheating on Minghao, is currently dating his ex-boyfriend? That'd be a disaster. He can't, doesn't want to risk hurting Mingyu. He'll tell Jun to resolve this problem. Soon. Really soon. He doesn't know how long he'll be able to look at him in the eyes, knowing everything while Mingyu doesn't.

He drives for what seems to be hours. They stay silent, leaving the city. Wonwoo is a bit worried but doesn't say it out loud. There must be a reason for this getaway. There must be something. But he's ready to wait. _Everything for you._ He's already whipped. Crap. He's never been really good at holding back his feelings, at hiding it, and yesterday's kiss doesn't help. That was... terribly good. He didn't think it could be so pleasant, he could feel all of this in a handle of seconds. When their lips met, it was as if he caught butterflies in a hand, and when the kiss ended, as if he freed them. A flutter for an instant, the time of a blink, and nothing else. But even if the butterflies flew away, he felt the tickling in his hand, on his lips, for long hours after that. He still feels it. Wants to have it again. Wants to kiss Mingyu again. He'll have to get satisfied of his hand for now. He doesn't want to rush him. And he needs to keep in mind that maybe nothing more will ever happen.

The sun already sets when Mingyu parks the car on a gravel square, after going up a mount. Woods are surrounding them, the city landscape offering to them. The smooth whirring stops and the silence settles in. Mingyu takes his hand back. Scratches his nape. Unbuckles his seat belt. Rubs his face. Chuckles.

-Usually when I come here it's to watch the stars. I guess it's too early.

_But I can still see them in your eyes. No need for the sky when I have you._

Wonwoo nods. It's beautiful, even without the stars. He wants to hold Mingyu's hand again. He lets his hand between them, but Mingyu ignores it. Clearing his throat to wipe the nervousness away, Wonwoo turns to him.

-Is something wrong?

A chuckle again. A sweet smile. Mingyu shakes his chestnut hair. His palms are tense on his knees. He probably exudes stress. He turns to Wonwoo, an hesitant smile stretching his lips. He looks down on his lonely hand, waiting for him, his lashes caressing his cheeks. Wonwoo is nervous, too. But not for the same reason. He can't resist. Laying a hand, he gently strokes his hair, unable to hide the worries in his voice. "Mingyu answer, is there something wrong? Is there a problem?" His voice cracks. He's suddenly terrified that Mingyu brought him there to say he didn't want to stay with him, for any kind of relationship. Wonwoo became dependant to him. As a friend, as more. He needs Mingyu. He needs him. And finally, finally Mingyu moves, gives Wonwoo the breath he was holding back, offers him the opportunity to breathe, at the edge of suffocating. He caresses his cheek, hand slightly shaking, fingers unsure, approaches his face closer to Wonwoo's widened eyes. Just before their foreheads stick, he whispers, so close that Wonwoo can sense the warmth of his breathing against his skin, get drunk of it : "The only thing wrong is that I've been making you wait. And if you accept it, I want to try, Wonwoo." He pronounces his name just like an incantation, a spell, a magic formula to make him melt on his seat, turn in a blaze, combust under his hand. Slowly, afraid to wake up and realize he's alone, Wonwoo nods. His fingers clutches the hair as he tugs Mingyu to him, still so delicately, looking down on his lips, forming the sweetest smile he's ever seen. Of course he accepts. Of course he wants to try. _Everything for you Mingyu_. Just as if it was meant to happen, written in history, their lips meet in two smiles, sugary, comforting, soothing. Under the last rays of sun reverberating against the bonnet of the car, shining on them just like two diamonds, the both of them understand they're maybe the key to each other's happiness. And right now, they don't need anything more.

The sun ends to disappear, and with him fear, pain and doubts.

~

-May I take you home, Sir?

Minghao startles at his exit of the library's building. The grin plastered on Junhui's face doesn't take long to contaminate him. Leaning against the granit wall where everything started, he could almost look like a thug, black leather jacket and ripped jeans, hair obviously wet hidden under a cap, arms crossed, sardonic smile. And Minghao could almost pin him against this wall to make this smile disappear against his lips. He just shrugs and skims his arm to enjoin him to come.

-Are you actually flirting with me?

The outraged expression immediately taking place on his face makes Minghao chuckle and Junhui doesn't last to imitate him. "I wouldn't dare." A quick caress at the back of his nape makes him flinch and they make their way to Minghao's apartment. It was great, yesterday. They didn't really talk about what's next, about what they are, about what they'll do. And it kind of increased the burden on Junhui's chest. He doesn't know anything about these ... _things_. He's scared, terrified to put boundaries, words on what is between them. Or rather what they share. He belittled Soonyoung and Wonwoo's relationship. He thought it was easy to determinate the nature of a relationship, just needing a quick conversation between two kisses to set it. Startling when Minghao puts a hand on his lower-back to let him enter the apartment, he realizes he's been lost in his thoughts for the whole way, not even looking where they were going. "Jun? Are you okay?" He nods energetically and enters Minghao's home, surprised to discover Seokmin and Jihoon on the couch. He got along with them, getting used to frequenting the coffee shop, not knowing the youngest was actually living with Minghao. Shyly waving at them, who look intrigued, he's immediately dragged in a bedroom, Minghao's hand melting in his.

Wen Junhui's rule number one : never put a foot in someone else's bedroom when it comes to one-night stands. Cars, restrooms, dark alleways, living rooms, _his_ bedroom. Never the guy's one. Why, he doesn't know. It implies a dependance, something he doesn't want to give. He shakes the head, cursing himself inwardly. _That's not a one-night stand Junhui. That's Minghao, Xu Minghao, your... your what?_ There's a bed in the middle of the room, paintings on the walls, an armchair in a corner. And Minghao. Whose hands slide on both sides of his nape, getting closer and closer. Before he kisses him, slightly tiptoeing, Junhui inhales deeply, swelling his lungs, keeping Minghao at a reasonable distance, hands on his waist. He stops, head tilting, eyes full of questions. "What am I?" It haunted him. During all the night, it haunted him, kept him awake. A replacement for Mingyu, an adventure, a challenge, a joke. A good friend, a... lover. Minghao's fingers climb to join at his hair root, and he supports a bit his weight to force Junhui to tighten his grip around his waist. With a sweet smile, almost childish, Minghao approaches his mouth from his neck, letting a warm, boiling tray on his skin.

-It depends on what you want to be. You can be a lot of things Junnie. Whatever you want, in fact. It's all up to you.

Junhui's eyebrows meet in a furrow in the middle of his forehead. When Minghao tries to kiss him again, eyes sparkling with demand, he avoids him, unhooking one of his hand to place it on his cheek. "What I mean is..." his voice is strangled with nervousness "what do _you_ want me to be?" A chuckle. A soft, melodious and soothing chuckle. He could almost forget how tense he is. A kiss on his cheek. "I don't know if there's a word for that." A kiss on his nose. "But I want you by my side. Just like you've been these past weeks." A kiss on his forehead. "I want your hand in mine." He takes one of his hand. A kiss on the back of it. "I want to be with you." A new chuckle, delicately fanning his face as his gets closer. "And I want you lips against mine." Junhui's smile is so wide that when Minghao kisses him, his lips meet his teeth, not taking long before being replaced with his lips, finally. "Just so you know, I've never said anything so cheesy, so be sure I'm honest." With a huffed shriek, Jun lifts him up to throw the both of them on the mattress, giggling and kissing every patch of skin they can reach.

-You better be prepared to say it again a million times cause I won't get tired of it.

 


	5. Chapter 5

  
Turnarounds, whisperings, muffled laughter, curious -or disgusted? glares, Wonwoo doesn't understand. And he can't, since he doesn't see Junhui frontally, walking a few meters ahead, and who sees to be the main interest this morning in the hallways. Enough. He finally joggs to reach for his friend's wrist, and when he _sees_ , his body automatically stops. Jun imitates him, a proud grin plastered on his face.

-So that's why you've come home so late last night. And left so quick this morning.

His neck is _covered_ with hickeys. The vain tentative to hide it with a turtleneck catches the eye even more. No need to talk about his still swollen lips. With a teen-like laugh, the transient lover shrugs and makes his way to his class hopping, leaving Wonwoo and his widened eyes stuck in the middle of the passage. If Mingyu's hand on his nape didn't make him startle violently and put them back in place, his eyes could have fall off. Leaning to put a kiss on his cheek, immedietaly making him blush, Mingyu declares amusedly :

-Seems like he spent a good night.

_Oh Lord if you knew with who._

He tries his best to give Mingyu the less forced smile he can and slightly tiptoes to leave a peck on his jaw, the closest part of his face he can reach. Everything happened fast. Really fast, in fact. But Wonwoo likes it. He can't deny the crazy beatings of his heart everytime he touches Mingyu, everytime Mingyu touches him. Even his gaze on him provokes flutters, flushing. He cherishes every moment they share. He never felt anything like that, so strong, so overwhelming. Mingyu's hand slides along his forearm to reach for his hand, but only a few seconds after their palms link, a tiny voice in Wonwoo's mind rings the warning bell. _He still doesn't know. It could change things between you, Wonwoo._ He clutches his fingers and gives Mingyu, this time,  a genuine smile before jogging backwards in the corridors.

-Gotta talk to Jun, see you later!

Hopefully he finds him where he thought he'd be. It has always been like that. Meetings in the restroom. Jeonghan, sitting on Jisoo's lap and Seungcheol, perched up the sink, are listening to Junhui proudly explaining the changes in his life. He doesn't hear Wonwoo entering and continues on spilling his love stories. His friend waits for a moment, listening to how happy his voice sounds, unable to hold back his smile. But when he pronounces Minghao's name, the bell rings again. "I think you should tell someone else about this story." His voice resonates so much colder he tought it would. His last wish is to argue with his bestfriend, and when Jun turns to him with a disbelief expression, Wonwoo suddenly feels too much scolding and reproaching. But their friendship is stronger than just an a bit too harsh tone, and Junhui sees the worries in Wonwoo's eyes. He comes closer and encourages him to explain, which Wonwoo does with cracks in his voice betraying how stressed he is.

-I think Mingyu deserves to know. And I'm not the one who should tell him.

-I will. Let me just a bit of time to prepare myself, but I promise I will.

He gently pats his friend's shoulder with a fond smile, perfectly hiding the angst forming in his throat. Seeing how he reacted the last time he saw him, Junhui is afraid to hedge again once in front of Mingyu. But he musts do it. For Wonwoo. For Mingyu. For Minghao. For him. That shit is so complicated. A nod to himself brings him courage and he squeezes Wonwoo's shoulder one last time. Jeonghan breaks the silence, voice shyly resonating :

-Since when do you take care of Mingyu's business, Wonwoo? Is it because of what Junnie did?

Wonwoo blushes. Jisoo tightens his arms around his boyfriend's waist, a sweet smile stretching his lips when he leans his chin against Jeonghan's arm. "You're dating, right?" Wonwoo's blushing turns in a blaze and he chokes on his saliva, eyes widened behind his glasses. He has to clear his throat a few times to be able to speak, while Jeonghan turns to Jisoo with a frown. "How is it that you know that?" Seungcheol's eyes sparkle with excitement and he happily claps. "Wonwoo has a boyfriend! Mingyu has a boyfriend! They're boyfriends!" Every time he tries to open the mouth to speak, Wonwoo is cut off with either happy screams -Junhui joined Seuncheol in his small celebration, questions, explanations.

-Wait you know Mingyu?

-Oh I met him at one of Seokmin's party I guess. Jihoon took me there, where I met Seokmin who introduced me to Minghao and forcefully Mingyu too. Or maybe that was Soonyoung that made me meet Seungkwan and then he introduced me to Mingyu?

-And you know Jihoon?

-Of course I know Jihoon!

-But wait Wonwoo didn't answ-

Wonwoo's gone.

~

-There's something we should talk about...

-You always talk too much.

Pressed against a locker in the empty gymnasium changing room, Junhui can't resist Minghao's kisses and gives up on his request. The urge to feel their lips crashed together wipes away every bit of rational ideas lying around his mind. Minghao's cheesy facet turned out being just a phase, at Junhui's biggest pleasure, and he already gave up on hearing daily sweet words. He'll do the work himself, later. But _later,_ that word is scaring him, like so many other things about this relationship. There has never been a later, a tomorrow in Wen Junhui's love life. But most of all, and that's the most horrifying fact he realized, he never really had a love life. That has never been love, not even once in his life. Affection, friendship, sex, but never love, the one he read in books when he was still a teenager. He gave up on love just like he gave up on books, and when he returned to them, he found Minghao. Shivering at the idea of loving someone, Junhui smiles against his _boyfriend_ 's neck and tugs him closer to deepen the pression of his lips against the crazily pulsating vein.

When he ended up alone in his bedroom yesterday, when Junhui left after a chaste kiss on his lips -preceded by many much less chaste ones, he felt guilty for a second. A minute. In fact, hours. He couldn't get to sleep, turning again and again in that so-empty bed. The guilt tearing his insides apart made him want to throw up. Mingyu wouldn't leave his thoughts. But most specially, what he couldn't give him. What he couldn't give to Mingyu after months and he gifted Junhui with open arms after a few days. He can't do anything about that. Mingyu can't. Junhui can't. But still, he felt so sorry for what he wasn't able to do, to say, to feel. And when he slowly convinced himself it was useless to blame himself, he then thought about how genuinely he hoped Mingyu could be happy someday.

Curling on himself, strongly pressing his eyelids closed to make the stars appear, he wished Mingyu to find someone that would make him feel as happy as Junhui does for him.

A bite at his bottom lip makes him come back to present. He's with Junhui. He took his decision, it's too late to regret or step back because of shame. And the way Jun kisses him really, _really,_ stops him from coming back to his choice. He mixes gentleness and strength perfectly, crashing their lips together as a blazing mess, his hands softly rummaging through his hair and pulling him closer with a delicacy Minghao never experienced. And most of all, his eyes. No one ever looked at Minghao like this. Caressing, caring, almost blessing, Junhui's irises are full of all the universe's stars when they land on him.

-Minghao what the hell is taking you so long?!

A voice outside the room provokes two deep frustrated sighs. Breaking the kiss, they both smile like idiots, panting, unable to let go of each other. Jun strokes his boyfriend's hair to arrange it, just like the very _first_ day. At the way Minghao's heart is set on fire when Junhui offers him a last kiss, he deduces he discovered the master of goodbye kisses. He needs to cherish that treasure. A grin stretches his lips as he chases him away.

-Come on, go get them and show who you are sweetheart!

 _Sweetheart._ He likes it.

~

Fighting against sleep is becoming harder and harder as time passes. Wonwoo's deep breathing against his chest rocks him and the movie they initially chose to watch _together_ is too boring for a Friday night. Mingyu's eyelids get heavier and he smiles at the idea of sleeping cuddling on the couch with Wonwoo. He hasn't been so at peace for months, and the only idea to finally have found a heaven on earth, in someone, fills in his heart.

His head falls on Wonwoo's, slumber coming for him, when the door of the apartment opens in a loud bang, making the two lovers wake up, violently for Mingyu, quietly for the sleepy other. A bit lost, they share a confused look and don't have any other choice than being the audience of a couple entering the living room like a storm, two bodies sticked together, a mess of hands and hair covering their faces. If Mingyu doesn't recognize them, Wonwoo, he, turns livid in a second, suddenly perfectly awake. When they finally seem to notice their presence, the intruders kiss breaks and Junhui adopts the same expression as his roommate when his eyes meet Mingyu's. Still in his arms, blushing furiously, Minghao looks down for a second, but when he dares to look at the couple on the sofa, it seems like the world crashes. Mingyu's hand that was resting on Wonwoo's shoulder tenses, almost hurting his boyfriend, and panic floods the two elders veins. Junhui gasps for air, not knowing what to say, tightening Minghao in his arms stronger as if it could change anything, Wonwoo clutching Mingyu's fingers, swiping from the couple standing in the middle of the room and the shocked boy he's still lying against.

Everyone startles when Minghao breaks the heavy silence, softly unhooking Junhui's arms from him :

-Maybe we should have a word about that Mingyu. In private.

Unexpectedly, he nods and frees himself from Wonwoo's embrace, who stares worryingly at his boyfriend as he makes his way to the room Junhui silently opens for them. When the two owners of the place end up alone, Junhui's voice cracks as he almost chokes on himself :

-I'm so sorry I thought you weren't there and I was planning on talking with him about that and- ... I'm sorry Wonwoo.

Still on the sofa, now curled up on himself, holding his knees against his chest, Wonwoo shakes his head. It would've happened one day or another. No one is to blame. Junhui joins him and sighs deeply, trying his best to contain the fear.

-What do you think they're talking about in there?

~

The silence is heavy. Minghao is sitting on Jun's bed, discovering the bedroom by the way, Mingyu sticked against the door, looking down.  None of them really know what they're doing, what exactly they should talk about. Hearts are not as heavy as they thought they'd be. The situation not as painful as it would've been a few weeks earlier.

Despite the crazy beatings of his heart, due to the unexpectedness of the situation more than the situation itself, Mingyu feels calm. The rush of panic left as fast as it came. He'd like to smile. When they were together, Minghao never blushed like he does right now. His lips tend to stretch but it's obvious he's holding back his smile. "I'm glad you found someone. I'm glad you're happy." The words roll on his tongue naturally, sincerely. The sparkles in Minghao's eyes when he finally looks at him are pure gold. Genuine happiness. He gives freedom to his smile, followed by Mingyu's, a bit more reserved. "He makes me a better person." His heart jumped at the reality hitting him. He's not the same man anymore. He feels good. Really good. More than he's been for a long time. "You look peaceful Mingyu." A pink tint shyly paints his cheeks as he closes his eyes. That's true. And when they look at each other again, they understand and see that breaking up was a good thing. The best thing they could do, in fact. They couldn't give each other what they needed, and being aware of it, taking the decision to not be together anymore enabled them to find happiness somewhere, with someone else.

-I don't care who you're dating, since you're happy. We should go and reassure them.

Minghao nods and stands up. The smile they share leaves a mark in time, highlights the exact moment they know pain is over.

Opening the door, Minghao stays inside the room and waves at Junhui with a sweet smile, getting a jump from his boyfriend who runs to him with a worried look, biting his nails. Mingyu gets out and comes closer to the sofa where Wonwoo still hasn't recovered a normal face tint, livid, worrying to death. "What about we go for a walk?", Mingyu whispers, eyes bright and lips stretched. Wonwoo nods, throws the blankets aside, strokes Ji, who was sleeping next to him, one last time and reaches for Mingyu's hand. "Are you okay?" His voice reflects how stressed he is. But Mingyu nods, closing the eyes for an instant, and they leave the apartment.

The streets are empty, the moon as only presence. No one is there to judge nor stare at them, and their hands stay in each other while they walk, Wonwoo still confused about the unexpected confrontation. He needs Mingyu to say something. To talk. To yell at him. To blame him. To break the silence that starts weighing on his heart so much he's scared it'll _explode._ Wonwoo startles when his lover's voice finally resonates and bounces against the buildings and road. "You know, I think I've never been so at peace since a really long time. I'm fine with you Wonwoo. Thank you." It's said in the conversational tone, just as if they were talking about the weather or classes. But it doesn't take Wonwoo's heart back from skipping a beat. He stops, letting go of Mingyu's hand while he continues on walking until realizing he's alone and looks back.

-You're not mad at me? For not telling you about Jun and Minghao?

A deep frown marks his forehead as he comes back to Wonwoo, reaching for both of his hands, taking them against his chest, clutching the -trembling? fingers. Mingyu shakes his head, still confused about why Wonwoo looks so sad suddenly. "Why would I be? Wonwoo why do you think I'd be mad at you?" The genuine fondness in Mingyu's voice flicks the wave of tears he wasn't even conscious to hold back and an ugly sob breaks the peasant silence of the street. All of _this_ is a so much stress for him. He didn't realize how worried he was to do things correctly, how worried he was to act good and make Mingyu happy. How much useless responsibilities he took, thinking it was his role, it was how it's done. He took this first _real_ relationship to heart, unknowingly collecting stress, fears, untolds. Mingyu tries to cup his face, eyes widened from how surprised of his reaction he is, but Wonwoo stops him between his sobbing, standing in the middle of the street like a child. "It wasn't supposed to happen like that!" _Snif_ "Jun wasn't supposed to kiss you" _Snif "_ He wasn't supposed to date Minghao" _Snif_ "And..." _Snif "_ And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you!"

Mingyu's hands freeze on Wonwoo's. He stops worrying about the tears drowing his face for a second. _And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you_. The words resonate in his mind, spin, take possession of every corner, every bit of space they can invade. _And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you._ A litany repeating again and again until he realizes Wonwoo looks surprised of his own words. A doubt. "Does that mean you're in love with me?", whispered, impossible to hear for someone who wouldn't stand as close as they do right now. Their nose tips almost brush, their crazily beating hearts colliding when their chests lift up. The tears stop. _Snif_. Mingyu raises a hand to wipe the tears, rests it on the soaked cheek. _Snif_.

"I think I am. I love you Mingyu."

Kim Mingyu has always been and will probably forever be a dreamer. Every time something happens, his mind already takes the control and leads him far, far away in the future. Building an image of every single thing that could result from a tiny, short, meaningless moment. A life full of "what if?", of dreams that fade as soon as a new step is taken, of unachieved wishes. The day he bumped in that sad-looking boy, he thought "Who could have made him look so down? What if I was the one who gave him his smile back?". The next day, when the same boy knocked on the window of his car, the same sadness in his eyes, after he exploded a door against his head, he thought "Why is he worrying about me when he seems so sad? If we hung out I could try to know what happened. And give him his smile back." And even the same day, in the evening, when he saw him appearing after he cheated on Minghao, when he apologized for something he wasn't responsible for, Mingyu thought "I can't let him think it's his fault. I can't let him be sad and his smile be away because of this." It lasted. Day after day, when he got to know Wonwoo, Mingyu's will lasted. And as the days passed, a smile slowly took place on his lips, lighting up that face he started to love. He became addict to his presence, to him whole. It was not just an other wish of doing something good for a perfect stranger. It became much more, something so more important, he took his mission at heart.

Kim Mingyu has always been and will probably forever be a dreamer. But still, he always hid his trust in love at first sight in the corner of his mind. Believing, but not completely. Until he realizes tonight it exists. It couldn't be called love immediately, but tonight, what he feels in his heart shows him it became love.

"I love you Wonwoo. Stop crying please. Show me that smile."

He asks to see it but doesn't. Better, he senses, feels it, against his lips.

~

-Are you mad at me?

-Absolutely.

Junhui stops in the middle of the room. Minghao is sitting on his bed, half of his face in the dark, the other half only lit by the moonlight. There's no trace of anger or sadness in his eyes. He still can't help but feel the stress clinging on him. A chuckle breaks the silence and Minghao taps the mattress next to him, inviting Junhui who obeys, still reserved, keeping his craving hands on his thighs. He feels the urge to hold Minghao's but manages himself. Clutches his jean. Feels his respiration fastening up. Too fast. His boyfriend notices it and unhooks his hands to hold them, sticks their gaze. "You idiot. I'm not. How could I be mad at you?" A grin stretches his lips and wipes away all of Junhui's doubts. In a finger snap, the mood switches in the most natural way, and Jun traces an invisible line on Minghao's thigh, looking down on it. "Even if I did something really naughty?" he whispers, feeling the electricity running along his arm. "Naughty like what? I can't answer with no exemple." Oh. Minghao finds himself pinned down the bed, breath taken away, Jun's mouth stealing his oxygen, his body caging him in the best prison he could imagine. Their tongues dance as hands venture under shirts, rummage hair, slide on thighs, press against jaw. Chuckles, whimpers, groans. A pile of clothes on the floor. 

"Even like that I can't be mad at you."

~

-You know where the sugar is? I can't drink my coffee with no sugar. 

-Then don't drink coffee. Jun finished the pouch yesterday. 

Mingyu sighs, about to give up on his caffeine dose when Minghao hands him a new pouch, not even opened. "You really think this dude could stay alive sugarfree? I'm sure there's more in his veins than in this packet." Mingyu chuckles and bypasses the black-haired boy to turn the coffee machine on. Junhui enters the kitchen, half-naked, drying his hair with a towel. "Can you make me a cup too Gyu? Oh hello." A kiss and a smile. Minghao leaves the kitchen. Mingyu pours three cups of coffee. Hands one to Jun. "Wonwoo's still sleeping?" A nod. "He wanted to finish a movie yesterday but I fell asleep." A meowing. Hoshi enters and rubs against Mingyu's leg. "Hi Hao.", heard from the living room. Wonwoo enters, eyes sleepy, lips stretched in a tiny smile. He takes the last mug on the counter, bends down to stroke Hoshi's furr. Takes a sip of the boiling drinking, wincing. Finally stands up and slides a hand on Mingyu's hip, tiptoeing to reach his lips. It tastes like coffee and sleepiness. "Jun, why is my black pant covered with furr?!" All eyes direct to Ji and Cat, fleeing from Minghao whose silhouette detaches in the door frame, a frown on the forehead, lips pouting. "You shouldn't have left it on the sofa babe. I told you Ji would sleep on it." Minghao looks at his pajama pants, then at his jeans, opens the mouth to say something, realizes Jun called him babe in front of everyone, closes his mouth, blushes furiously, disappears, immediately followed by his boyfriend. 

Fighting against sleep, head leaning against Mingyu's chest, an arm curled around his waist, Wonwoo giggles. If someone told him this would happen, a few months before, he would have laughed. 

Maybe things are meant to change. Maybe it's just how it's supposed to be. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi dear!
> 
> this fic comes here to and end... which i’m really sorry for, i feel like it’s too hasty, doesn’t really resolve everything... i hope you’re not as disappointed as i am from myself!  
> i promise i’ll /really/ soon provide you a new fic, completely different from what i already posted on this account, and for which i’ll take the time i need to make it good :p 
> 
> as usual, you can follow me on twitter (@smoll_jane) if the will takes you, even tho there’s no real interest in what i’m posting ...
> 
> take care, and don’t be shy to leave a comment, i’d be really glad to know what you thought about this fic~


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